… Intentionally Offensive Since 2006
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Cowboys Nation,
After the thorough trouncing of the Buffalo Bills last Sunday at Cowboys Stadium 44-7, nobody seems to be talking about the Cowboys as one of the teams to watch out for in the NFC. Good. Flying under the radar instead of in the spotlight suits this team well. The Cowboys were the only team in the NFC East to win last week. The E-girls inexplicably lost to the Cardinals in Philly, the Foreskins lost to Miami, who has now beaten two other bad teams in consecutive weeks, and the Vagiants lost (as predicted) to the 49ers. That puts the Cowboys in second place, just one game behind New Jersey. The Cowboys play Washington on Sunday in Maryland. The Midgets host the E-girls. Dallas can take care of the faltering Foreskins. It just depends on which Eagles team shows up to play against She-li and his merry band. If it’s the same team that showed up against Dallas a few Sunday nights ago, then Philly wins this game. If it’s the same team that played Arizona last Sunday, then New Jersey wins. Stay tuned, sports fans.

Tony Romo had a career day against Buffalo. Not in terms of yards and touchdowns, but in QB efficiency. Romo started the game 13 for 13, and finished the first half 18 of 19 for 237 yards with three touchdowns. He ended the day 23 of 26 for 270 yards, 3TD’s, no interceptions, and a QB rating of 148.4. Not too shabby. I’ll take that every game. DeMarco Murray rushed for 135 yards on 20 carries with one touchdown. DeMarcus Ware had a sack on the first defensive play of the game. The Cowboys defense had three interceptions, two by Terrence Newman, one of which was returned for a TD. Overall, the defense held Fitzpatrick to a mere 146 yards passing. The Cowboys offense scored on its first four possessions of the game; something that in the history of the Dallas Cowboys had never been done before. Never. That’s Meredith, Staubach, and Aikman we’re talkin’ about here. It’s almost as though Jason Garrett is starting to get it. I mean, half of the “experts” on TV picked Buffalo to win this game. They obviously don’t read these updates!

Eli update: After the Vagiants lost to the 49ers in San Francisco, She-li Womanning spent the whole cross country plane trip home crying on the shoulder of Brandon Jacobs. Not because he threw a fourth quarter interception that sealed the loss, but because Ahmad Bradshaw wouldn’t let him blow him in the lavatory. She-li felt so bad about blowing the game, he thought it might help to blow something else on the way home. Remember: you can’t spell unraveling without Eli.

News around the NFL: For some reason, the media just loves to pick on Tony Romo. He has a few interceptions and the Cowboys lose, you never hear the end of it. He has a great game, and he’s the forgotten one; like it was no big deal and he was supposed to do that anyway. No other NFL QB gets this much media scrutiny. He was an undrafted free agent, remember? Not some high-profile college star with “franchise quarterback” written all over him. There are plenty of those around that you never hear about when they lose a game. Oh, but that’s right… Romo plays for the Cowboys! He plays for the team the media loves to hate. But does anyone else get this kind of abuse? Take Phillip Rivers, (please). Here’s a first round draft choice that was predicted by many to be in “breakout mode” at the beginning of the season who now can’t complete a pass to any receivers wearing his same jersey color. He can no longer use the excuse that his receivers are all injured; he just can’t find them. He’s a head case and has a lousy arm. Have you seen his throwing motion? He’s proof that girls can play QB in the NFL. Rivers has more than twice as many interceptions than Tony Romo so far this year, with 15 to Romo’s seven. In fact, only one QB whose team has a winning record and is not injured for the year, and is not named Aaron Rodgers, has thrown less interceptions than Romo: Jay Cutler. Yeah, no shit. Who knew? But no one seems to attack Rivers with the same kind of fervor reserved for Tony Romo. I’m just glad that Norv Turner, with his “incomplete on first down, run between the tackles for no gain on second down, that puts us in third and long” offense, isn’t the head coach of the Cowboys. It’s starting to look like Jason Garrett is moving away from his Norv Turner roots. ‘Bout time.

Next up for the Best Team In Football is the aforementioned trip to Maryland to play those smegma-encrusted Foreskins. This is the Cowboys most bitter rivalry, no matter what the Giants and Eagles say. The best thing about 1989’s 1-15 season was that the one win was over Washington. The wheels are coming off the wagon in Redskins territory, as they haven’t won a game since their bye in early October. This is no time to let them off the hook. This is another must win for the Cowboys, and a good pounding is just what the doctor ordered for this game. Who knows how long Mike Shanahan is going to last in D.C.?

Prediction: Cowboys 41 – Deadskins 16
I’m looking for Tony to have another good day out there, protecting the football and throwing three more touchdown passes. DeMarco Murray gets another 100+ yard performance on his resume, and the defense will create at least four turnovers, as Washington continues its downward spiral, out of control, on its way to the NFC East basement once again. Aww. I’m all broken up about it. Kill Joe!
Prediction: E-girls 24 – Vagiants 23
She-li breaks down in the fourth quarter and starts crying, whining to the officials that the Eagles aren’t playing fair, and that he wants to take his ball and go home ‘cause his daddy, Archie, said he could!
Prediction: Jets 19 – Donkeys 16
The Tebow gets released and it is pounded into submission by a force greater than itself. A higher power, if you will. Praise Jesus…look at my muscle. So it shall be written. So it shall be done.

Go Cowboys!

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