… Intentionally Offensive Since 2006
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Cowboys Nation,
OK, let’s try to polish this turd.
The Dallas Cowboys were just handed their largest margin of defeat in the Jason Garrett era, losing to the E-girls 34-7. Interesting in that it was the exact same score by which these same Dallas Cowboys had defeated their previous opponent, the St. Louis Lambs, the week before. What I do not believe though, is that the difference in the quality of the three teams in question is that great. The Cowboys pounded the Lambs. They didn’t even show up against the E-girls. Let’s take a look at the game and how it affects the Cowboys moving forward.

The Cowboys released RB Tashard Choice, who got claimed off of waivers by the Washington Deadskins, because they felt that after DeMarco Murray’s 253 yard rushing performance in one game that they had seen enough to make him their new guy, and Choice was expendable. I’m ok with that. They came into Philly with the number one rushing defense in the league, and promptly got gashed by Michael Vick and LeShithead McCoy. They couldn’t stop the run to save their own paychecks. Second year ILB Sean Lee dislocated his left wrist on a tackle of Vick in the first half, and never returned. It looked bad. He may be out indefinitely. It was a totally freak accident. How the hell do you dislocate your wrist? You’ve got eight frickin’ bones in there! We saw the first action of the year by rookie Bruce Carter, be it only on special teams though. With Lee’s injury, we may see more of Carter in a hurry at the inside linebacker position. This is primarily due to the fact that Bradie James looks fat, and Keith Brooking is too slow and can no longer tackle anyone. So while the Dallas D was giving up huge yardage in the run game, one would think that it was because they were doing such a good job protecting against the pass. But no. The Cowboys secondary was playing so far off the E-girls receivers it looked like they thought they had leprosy. And to top it all off, CB Mike Jenkins pulled his hamstring again and looks like he’ll be out for several weeks. Can’t stop the run, plus no tight coverage, equals getting your ass kicked. The E-girls, on the other hand, played very tight pass coverage all night, limiting the Cowboys two best receivers, Austin and Bryant, to three catches each with no touchdowns. The plain and simple fact of the matter is that the Cowboys got out coached on Sunday night. Andy Reid had an answer for everything the Cowboys threw at him on both sides of the ball. The Cowboys got whipped on the line of scrimmage all night. Couldn’t block, couldn’t tackle. They acted as though they never wanted to play this game, phoning it in from the hotel. Hey, they just beat a winless team by 27 points, and they ARE the Dallas Cowboys after all. We got this.
No, Garrett. You don’t. There’s no pretty way to view this. I believe the bastardized Latin for this is fecundum non simonizem; you can’t polish a turd.

Eli Update: After a well-deserved rest on the bye week, where New Jersey Vagiants QB, She-li Womanning, and his best butt buddy, Ahhh-mad Bradshaw, got matching mani-pedi’s and Bro-zilians, they soundly defeated the winless Miami Dolphins in typical Vagiants style. There was never any question about this game. She-li, that wiley field general, engineered an easy win that was never in doubt, once again proving his greatness. We might as well just enshrine him in Canton this weekend. He’s on the fast track for the Hall.

Next up for The Best Team In Football is a home game against Seattle. The Seahawks have been an unpredictable lot so far this season, beating the Giants and losing to just about everybody else. The Cowboys have to win this game. There’s no two ways about it. Lose this one, and it’s bye-bye season. Win this game, and they have the potential to go on a 13 game winning streak and win the Super Bowl. Garrett needs to learn how to get the most out of his team, kinda like Jim Harbaugh in San Francisco. Yeah, how big is that overtime win against the 49ers looking now? I’d take 6-1 right about now. Wouldn’t you? And no, I don’t want to trade Tony Romo for Alex Smith. But Garrett can’t let a QB like Charlie Whitehurst beat him this week, either. The Seahawks are essentially without any defense or offensive weapons. They look like the Mariners out there. A big win will bring the confidence back to Big D, get them back to .500, and while the Vagiants lose to New England this week, it will also bring the Cowboys closer to first place. (tune in this Sunday to watch both Brady and Manning leave the game with Theismann-like injuries)

Prediction: Cowboys 31 – Seahawks 17
A two touchdown home victory is just what the doctor ordered for the Cowboys this Sunday. DeMarcus Ware has 12 sacks in just the first seven games, and he’ll be looking to add to that total. Bruce Carter will get more playing time on the inside, and Orlando Scandrick will have to start in place of Jenkins. This is a must win for the Cowboys… but, then again, I think every game is a must win. Kill Joe. Block. Tackle. Hold onto the ball. It sounds simple when you can actually do it. Jason Garrett needs to show the league that he can, or else the Cowboys are in trouble. I don’t want to start looking forward to the draft before Thanksgiving again. At least we don’t have to worry about Tim Tebow in Dallas!

Go Cowboys!

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