… Intentionally Offensive Since 2006
category: Uncategorized
tags:

Cowboys Nation,
The Best Team In Football is doing what they are supposed to do – win football games. With the victory in the Thanksgiving Day game against the Dolphins, the Dallas Cowboys have now won four in a row and are solidly in first place in the NFC East; right where they should be. Tony Romo is now 5-0 on Thanksgiving, and an amazing 19-2 in the month of November. Now he has to keep it going through the month of December and into the playoffs. I know that we should never look ahead and count our chickens just yet, but the Cowboys will have to beat some pretty good teams in the playoffs to get to the Super Bowl. I think they can beat San Francisco again, and I’m predicting here and now that the Saints will beat the Packers in the playoffs, so Dallas will have to beat New Orleans to get to the title game. Are we pumped up for the stretch run yet? Four down, nine to go. But we all know that you can only play one game at a time, so now it’s off to the desert to play the Cardinals and keep this winning streak alive.

The Cowboys pulled out another nail-biter on turkey day this year, beating the fish 20-19 on a last second field goal by rookie kicker Dan Bailey. I told you the game would be close, but who knew it would be a one-point game? I’ll tell you this, though… the kid is money! The Cowboys haven’t had a reliable kicker in a very long time, and I think they have found one in Bailey. God I love all-star undrafted free agent signings. (see Romo, Austin, Bailey) Tony Romo had two early interceptions that, thankfully, the defense limited to giving up only three points off of in the first half. He underthrew both of them. In the second half, Romo took care of the ball and escaped heavy pressure on multiple occasions and led his team to the game-winning field goal with three seconds left on the clock.
With two minutes left in the third quarter, Romo was almost sacked twice on consecutive plays, each time getting rid of the ball just in time and making the completions that extended the drive for the go ahead touchdown early in the fourth quarter. It was vintage Romo, using his feet, eyes, and arm to make a crucial play in a tight ballgame to help his team. The Romoboner was fully tumescent. On the day, Tony went 22 of 34 for 226 yards, 2 TD’s, and 2 picks. DeMarco Murray rushed for 87 hard fought yards on 22 carries, and Laurent Robinson added 79 yards on 7 receptions with 2 TD’s. The Cowboys are now 7-4 heading into December, with three of their last five games against divisional opponents. Stay focused, and kill Joe!

News around the NFL: Ndamukong Suh got pissed off against the Packers and stomped some big white guy Offensive Lineman, getting himself ejected, fined, and suspended. You’d think there was an award in his future. But no. Buffalo Bills Wide Receiver Stevie “Why So Serious” Johnson caught a touchdown pass against the Jets, and then proceeded to do his little touchdown dance that this time included shooting himself in the leg with his finger-gun, mocking Jets WR Plaxico (which is Nigerian for “daddy don’t wear no condom”) Burress, and then flying with outstretched wingspan into the ground like a crashing jet, garnering a 15 yard penalty for going to the ground in celebration without praying to Jesus. Let’s just say that making fun of crashing jets in New York City is not a popular stance to take. Then later in the game, on the potential game-winning drive, Johnson dropped a would-be touchdown pass that hit him right between the numbers, and the Bills lost. Stevie Johnson is our DFN of the Week Award recipient. Let’s all give him a round of applause. I believe he is actually a two-time winner of the award.
E-girls QB Michael “Bulldog” Vick has now missed two games in a row with broken ribs WITHOUT a punctured lung. Pussy!

Eli Update: She-li Womanning and his Gay-ants got their asses handed to them in New Orleans by the Saints, and are now in the midst of a three game losing streak. The Saints were gaining yards and scoring points at will against the Vagiants. Poor Eli. He looks so sad moping on the field as his ass is getting kicked. He needs a little cheese to go with his whine. Eli gets to play the Packers next, and then their losing streak will be extended. Remember: you can’t spell disemboweling without Eli. By the time Eli plays the Cowboys, his team will be beaten to shit and on a four game losing streak; completely demoralized by starting 6-2 and limping into Dallas at 6-6.

Next up for the Best Team In Football is a trip to Arizona to play the Cardinals. They will probably get Kevin “Corn on the” Kolb back at QB this week, but it won’t really matter. The Cowboys are going to win another one and extend their lead in the division. Lots of Cowboys fans there in Arizona. Just as long as Mat McBriar doesn’t punt the ball to Patrick Peterson, all those fans of the ‘Boys should be happy at the end of the day.

Prediction: Cowboys 28 – Cardinals 17
A good double digit road win is just what the doctor ordered for the Cowboys this week. Limit the mistakes and it’s a win. Dallas had far too many penalties on Thanksgiving, on both sides of the ball. Drive killing offensive penalties, and drive extending defensive penalties are tough to overcome. Garrett needs his team to play disciplined football this week to get ready for the stretch run to the playoffs.

Go Cowboys!

category: Uncategorized
tags:

Cowboys Nation,
This one was never in doubt. Even though the score, 27-24, and the fact that the Cowboys won it in overtime on the road, may seem otherwise, it was still never in doubt that the Cowboys would win this game against the ever-so-hated Redskins. I’ll list the reasons for your viewing pleasure.
First, Train Rex Grossman was the QB for the Redskins. When it comes to crunch time, he always comes through by throwing a crucial interception; this one in the fourth quarter caught by Orlando Scandrick.
Second, the Cowboys have DeMarcus Ware. Granted, he had only one sack in the game, but it was a critical play, also in the fourth quarter. Ware commanded double teams all day. But you can’t stop him, you can only hope to contain him.
Third, the Redskins have DeAngelo Hall covering Dez Bryant. At the end of the game, when the Cowboys need a big play to get into a position to win the game, Tony Romo knows where to go with the ball, and that is to Dez Bryant who can juke his way into the open leaving Hall to spin around aimlessly wondering what the hell just happened while his guy just made a game-winning catch. See third and 15 from the 48 yard line in OT.
Fourth, Jason Garrett actually committed to the run, even though it was not paying off big time in this game. He stuck with DeMarco Murray, who gained less than 100 yards, and made the Redskins stay in the box to defend the run instead of abandoning it early in the game and making the Cowboys one dimensional. Tough, hard-nosed football won this game.
Fifth, the Cowboys won the turnover battle 2-0 in this game. Taking that kind of good care of the football produces a win greater than 85% of the time.
Sixth, rookie kicker Dan Bailey is money. The kid from Oklahoma State has not missed since week two against the 49ers; which was the simplest of chip shots that should have been made. My take is that he got his head straight after that miss, and he won’t ever do it again.
And finally, the Dallas Cowboys have Tony Romo as their quarterback. Cool under fire, able to slide away from pressure, accurate on both the short pass and down the field, Romo led his team to another dramatic overtime road win that had the Redskins writhing in pain that they let their most bitter rival win another one. You can tell I’m all broken up about it. Tony went 23 of 37 for 292 yards, 3 TD’s and no interceptions. He was sacked four times, but never gave the ball away. His ribs are healed, and he’s playing at a level that can win a championship right now. Let’s do this!

The Cowboys are now in first place in the NFC East, sharing the record of 6-4 with the New Jersey Vagiants, but owning a better divisional record to put them on top. As I had mentioned before in this very space, the Cowboys have games against very beatable opponents in the next two weeks, whereas the Giants have to play the Saints and Packers, two division leaders. After that, they get to play our very own Dallas Cowboys in Texas, so that they can complete their 1-5 journey through the middle of their schedule, leaving them at 6-7 with three games to play.

Eli Update: In the fourth quarter, driving his team down the field for the tying touchdown, She-li gets sacked by Jason Babin of the Philadelphia E-girls, fumbling, dashing the hopes of all the fans in the New Jersey Swamplands as the E-girls recovered the fumble, sending She-li off the field to watch the ensuing kneel-downs, sealing victory for Philadelphia. Remember: you can’t spell sidelines without Eli.

Next up for the Best Team In Football is the annual Thanksgiving game hosted by The Best Team In Football. This is an annual tradition, held by many to be a sacred ritual: eat the turkey and watch the Cowboys win. This year’s victim is the Miami Dolphins. Both teams come into this contest with a three game winning streak. However, only the Cowboys will go into next week with a four game winning streak. The Dolphins have recently gotten it together, finding a way to beat teams that are beatable (Redskins, Bills, Chiefs), but they still have a quarterback who is a back-up at best in Matt Moore. The Cowboys know this because Moore was on the Cowboys roster before he was cut, as the Cowboys tried to slide him onto the practice squad a few years ago but Miami claimed him off waivers. That’s one disadvantage of having Miami’s head coach, Tony Sparano, being a former Cowboys assistant. Oh well. The Cowboys have the advantage (Romo over Moore) and will win this game.
The keys to victory will be rushing the ball consistently with DeMarco Murray, Tony continuing to not throw interceptions, and the Cowboys defense putting heavy pressure on Moore, who is still greener than baby poop. The Dolphins actually have a really good run defense, not allowing a 100 yard rusher all year. Even if Murray doesn’t eclipse the 100 yard mark, Garrett still needs to run him all day. Make them respect the run, and then Tony can pick apart their secondary.

Prediction: Cowboys 26 – Fish 21
This will be a closer game than most people think. The Dolphins are gaining confidence and could have won a few games at the beginning of the year instead of starting out 0-7. The Cowboys have to be careful and not get overconfident, or else they will be in danger of letting this one go. Take care of business, and beat down an inferior opponent. That’s job one. Kill Joe!

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone in Cowboys Nation!
Go Cowboys!

category: Uncategorized
tags:

Cowboys Nation,
This one was never in doubt. Even though the score, 27-24, and the fact that the Cowboys won it in overtime on the road, may seem otherwise, it was still never in doubt that the Cowboys would win this game against the ever-so-hated Redskins. I’ll list the reasons for your viewing pleasure.
First, Train Rex Grossman was the QB for the Redskins. When it comes to crunch time, he always comes through by throwing a crucial interception; this one in the fourth quarter caught by Orlando Scandrick.
Second, the Cowboys have DeMarcus Ware. Granted, he had only one sack in the game, but it was a critical play, also in the fourth quarter. Ware commanded double teams all day. But you can’t stop him, you can only hope to contain him.
Third, the Redskins have DeAngelo Hall covering Dez Bryant. At the end of the game, when the Cowboys need a big play to get into a position to win the game, Tony Romo knows where to go with the ball, and that is to Dez Bryant who can juke his way into the open leaving Hall to spin around aimlessly wondering what the hell just happened while his guy just made a game-winning catch. See third and 15 from the 48 yard line in OT.
Fourth, Jason Garrett actually committed to the run, even though it was not paying off big time in this game. He stuck with DeMarco Murray, who gained less than 100 yards, and made the Redskins stay in the box to defend the run instead of abandoning it early in the game and making the Cowboys one dimensional. Tough, hard-nosed football won this game.
Fifth, the Cowboys won the turnover battle 2-0 in this game. Taking that kind of good care of the football produces a win greater than 85% of the time.
Sixth, rookie kicker Dan Bailey is money. The kid from Oklahoma State has not missed since week two against the 49ers; which was the simplest of chip shots that should have been made. My take is that he got his head straight after that miss, and he won’t ever do it again.
And finally, the Dallas Cowboys have Tony Romo as their quarterback. Cool under fire, able to slide away from pressure, accurate on both the short pass and down the field, Romo led his team to another dramatic overtime road win that had the Redskins writhing in pain that they let their most bitter rival win another one. You can tell I’m all broken up about it. Tony went 23 of 37 for 292 yards, 3 TD’s and no interceptions. He was sacked four times, but never gave the ball away. His ribs are healed, and he’s playing at a level that can win a championship right now. Let’s do this!

The Cowboys are now in first place in the NFC East, sharing the record of 6-4 with the New Jersey Vagiants, but owning a better divisional record to put them on top. As I had mentioned before in this very space, the Cowboys have games against very beatable opponents in the next two weeks, whereas the Giants have to play the Saints and Packers, two division leaders. After that, they get to play our very own Dallas Cowboys in Texas, so that they can complete their 1-5 journey through the middle of their schedule, leaving them at 6-7 with three games to play.

Eli Update: In the fourth quarter, driving his team down the field for the tying touchdown, She-li gets sacked by Jason Babin of the Philadelphia E-girls, fumbling, dashing the hopes of all the fans in the New Jersey Swamplands as the E-girls recovered the fumble, sending She-li off the field to watch the ensuing kneel-downs, sealing victory for Philadelphia. Remember: you can’t spell sidelines without Eli.

Next up for the Best Team In Football is the annual Thanksgiving game hosted by The Best Team In Football. This is an annual tradition, held by many to be a sacred ritual: eat the turkey and watch the Cowboys win. This year’s victim is the Miami Dolphins. Both teams come into this contest with a three game winning streak. However, only the Cowboys will go into next week with a four game winning streak. The Dolphins have recently gotten it together, finding a way to beat teams that are beatable (Redskins, Bills, Chiefs), but they still have a quarterback who is a back-up at best in Matt Moore. The Cowboys know this because Moore was on the Cowboys roster before he was cut, as the Cowboys tried to slide him onto the practice squad a few years ago but Miami claimed him off waivers. That’s one disadvantage of having Miami’s head coach, Tony Sparano, being a former Cowboys assistant. Oh well. The Cowboys have the advantage (Romo over Moore) and will win this game.
The keys to victory will be rushing the ball consistently with DeMarco Murray, Tony continuing to not throw interceptions, and the Cowboys defense putting heavy pressure on Moore, who is still greener than baby poop. The Dolphins actually have a really good run defense, not allowing a 100 yard rusher all year. Even if Murray doesn’t eclipse the 100 yard mark, Garrett still needs to run him all day. Make them respect the run, and then Tony can pick apart their secondary.

Prediction: Cowboys 26 – Fish 21
This will be a closer game than most people think. The Dolphins are gaining confidence and could have won a few games at the beginning of the year instead of starting out 0-7. The Cowboys have to be careful and not get overconfident, or else they will be in danger of letting this one go. Take care of business, and beat down an inferior opponent. That’s job one. Kill Joe!

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone in Cowboys Nation!
Go Cowboys!

category: Uncategorized
tags:

Cowboys Nation,
After the thorough trouncing of the Buffalo Bills last Sunday at Cowboys Stadium 44-7, nobody seems to be talking about the Cowboys as one of the teams to watch out for in the NFC. Good. Flying under the radar instead of in the spotlight suits this team well. The Cowboys were the only team in the NFC East to win last week. The E-girls inexplicably lost to the Cardinals in Philly, the Foreskins lost to Miami, who has now beaten two other bad teams in consecutive weeks, and the Vagiants lost (as predicted) to the 49ers. That puts the Cowboys in second place, just one game behind New Jersey. The Cowboys play Washington on Sunday in Maryland. The Midgets host the E-girls. Dallas can take care of the faltering Foreskins. It just depends on which Eagles team shows up to play against She-li and his merry band. If it’s the same team that showed up against Dallas a few Sunday nights ago, then Philly wins this game. If it’s the same team that played Arizona last Sunday, then New Jersey wins. Stay tuned, sports fans.

Tony Romo had a career day against Buffalo. Not in terms of yards and touchdowns, but in QB efficiency. Romo started the game 13 for 13, and finished the first half 18 of 19 for 237 yards with three touchdowns. He ended the day 23 of 26 for 270 yards, 3TD’s, no interceptions, and a QB rating of 148.4. Not too shabby. I’ll take that every game. DeMarco Murray rushed for 135 yards on 20 carries with one touchdown. DeMarcus Ware had a sack on the first defensive play of the game. The Cowboys defense had three interceptions, two by Terrence Newman, one of which was returned for a TD. Overall, the defense held Fitzpatrick to a mere 146 yards passing. The Cowboys offense scored on its first four possessions of the game; something that in the history of the Dallas Cowboys had never been done before. Never. That’s Meredith, Staubach, and Aikman we’re talkin’ about here. It’s almost as though Jason Garrett is starting to get it. I mean, half of the “experts” on TV picked Buffalo to win this game. They obviously don’t read these updates!

Eli update: After the Vagiants lost to the 49ers in San Francisco, She-li Womanning spent the whole cross country plane trip home crying on the shoulder of Brandon Jacobs. Not because he threw a fourth quarter interception that sealed the loss, but because Ahmad Bradshaw wouldn’t let him blow him in the lavatory. She-li felt so bad about blowing the game, he thought it might help to blow something else on the way home. Remember: you can’t spell unraveling without Eli.

News around the NFL: For some reason, the media just loves to pick on Tony Romo. He has a few interceptions and the Cowboys lose, you never hear the end of it. He has a great game, and he’s the forgotten one; like it was no big deal and he was supposed to do that anyway. No other NFL QB gets this much media scrutiny. He was an undrafted free agent, remember? Not some high-profile college star with “franchise quarterback” written all over him. There are plenty of those around that you never hear about when they lose a game. Oh, but that’s right… Romo plays for the Cowboys! He plays for the team the media loves to hate. But does anyone else get this kind of abuse? Take Phillip Rivers, (please). Here’s a first round draft choice that was predicted by many to be in “breakout mode” at the beginning of the season who now can’t complete a pass to any receivers wearing his same jersey color. He can no longer use the excuse that his receivers are all injured; he just can’t find them. He’s a head case and has a lousy arm. Have you seen his throwing motion? He’s proof that girls can play QB in the NFL. Rivers has more than twice as many interceptions than Tony Romo so far this year, with 15 to Romo’s seven. In fact, only one QB whose team has a winning record and is not injured for the year, and is not named Aaron Rodgers, has thrown less interceptions than Romo: Jay Cutler. Yeah, no shit. Who knew? But no one seems to attack Rivers with the same kind of fervor reserved for Tony Romo. I’m just glad that Norv Turner, with his “incomplete on first down, run between the tackles for no gain on second down, that puts us in third and long” offense, isn’t the head coach of the Cowboys. It’s starting to look like Jason Garrett is moving away from his Norv Turner roots. ‘Bout time.

Next up for the Best Team In Football is the aforementioned trip to Maryland to play those smegma-encrusted Foreskins. This is the Cowboys most bitter rivalry, no matter what the Giants and Eagles say. The best thing about 1989’s 1-15 season was that the one win was over Washington. The wheels are coming off the wagon in Redskins territory, as they haven’t won a game since their bye in early October. This is no time to let them off the hook. This is another must win for the Cowboys, and a good pounding is just what the doctor ordered for this game. Who knows how long Mike Shanahan is going to last in D.C.?

Prediction: Cowboys 41 – Deadskins 16
I’m looking for Tony to have another good day out there, protecting the football and throwing three more touchdown passes. DeMarco Murray gets another 100+ yard performance on his resume, and the defense will create at least four turnovers, as Washington continues its downward spiral, out of control, on its way to the NFC East basement once again. Aww. I’m all broken up about it. Kill Joe!
Prediction: E-girls 24 – Vagiants 23
She-li breaks down in the fourth quarter and starts crying, whining to the officials that the Eagles aren’t playing fair, and that he wants to take his ball and go home ‘cause his daddy, Archie, said he could!
Prediction: Jets 19 – Donkeys 16
The Tebow gets released and it is pounded into submission by a force greater than itself. A higher power, if you will. Praise Jesus…look at my muscle. So it shall be written. So it shall be done.

Go Cowboys!

category: Uncategorized
tags:

Cowboys Nation,
The Dallas Cowboys took care of business at home against the Seahawks, as expected. They are still struggling to score touchdowns in the red zone, though, and this is the primary concern for this team moving forward. Too many short field goals. This does, I admit, score an easy three points, and the short field goals give the rookie kicker loads of confidence to hit longer, more pressure-filled field goals later. But the fact of the matter is that Jason Garrett’s 2011 Dallas Cowboys just can’t put anybody away and coast to a victory. The games are always closer than they should be and filled with unnecessary drama. Then, with the pressure of the end of a close game at its peak, somebody on the Cowboys (usually Romo) does something stupid to lose the game. I realize that didn’t happen against Seattle, (final score 23-13) but this team should be 7-1, not 4-4. If the Tuna really is right, then the Cowboys are a mediocre team at .500. “You are what your record says you are.”

QB Tony Romo went 19 for 31 with 279 yards passing, two touchdowns, and no interceptions. That was a good game. I’ll take that week in and week out. Tony has the fifth highest QB rating in the league at the halfway point of the season. DeMarco Murray rushed for 139 yards on 22 carries, for a 6.3 yard/ carry average. I’ll take that, too. But the failures in the red zone in the first half of the game kept it somewhat close. The halftime score should have been 21-3. Garrett has no creativity in first and goal situations. Pounding it in between the tackles ain’t workin’ for this offensive line. The fade route pass to the corner rarely works for the Cowboys. Only when Romo had 6 seconds to stand back in the pocket on his own five yard line was he able to find an open Laurent Robinson in the back of the end zone for a red zone TD. That kinda shit doesn’t happen against a good team. Garrett should know that.

Last week only four home teams in the NFL won their games; Dallas being one of them. The Cowboys seem to be relying on others to do their dirty work for them as well. The Bears beat the E-girls, San Francisco beat the Foreskins (as they so love to do in the Bay Area), and the Vagiants beat Sunshine Brady; something Garrett failed to do. This puts Dallas firmly into second place in the division, two games behind New Jersey… for now. The Vagiants have on their schedule in the next five games, in order: San Francisco, Philadelphia, New Orleans, Green Bay, and Dallas. They could easily lose all five, giving the Cowboys the edge to win the East.

Eli Update: After She-li Womanning and his merry band of Vagiants left New England with a victory last Sunday, he celebrated at the New Jersey safe house with Ahhhmad Bradshaw and a busload of Play 60 kids. There was lots of under-age drinking and frolicking in the showers, with hot, steamy, man-boy action as She-li led the way celebrating in typical Giants style. Remember, you can’t spell pedophILE without a messed up Eli. Gee, and he didn’t even go to Penn State.

Next up for the Best Team In Football is another home game, this time hosting the Buffalo Bills. Buffalo started out hot, and has cooled off somewhat lately, beating Philly and New England, and losing to the two New Jersey teams, so we’re not exactly sure which team is going to show up in Dallas on Sunday. The Cowboys need to keep running the ball effectively, and be able to control the line of scrimmage so Tony can throw without too much pressure. Don’t turn over the ball, and this is another win. Dallas is not a fumbling team; it’s all about the interceptions. All the teams in the AFC East, except Miami, are 5-3, tied for first in their division. The Cowboys lost to the Pats and Jets, so it’s time to TCB and beat the shit out of the Bills. It makes me want to watch the replay of Super Bowl XXVII, the greatest Super Bowl of all time. The only problem is that game was 19 years ago. The Cowboys need to win another Super Bowl. I don’t want to keep living in the past like the Bears fans of ’85.

Prediction: Dallas 38- Buffalo 23
I look for this one to be a bit more high scoring. I’d love to see a 38-0 shutout, but I think Fitzpatrick will move his offense a few times and put up some scores against the Cowboys D. Austin and Jenkins, the Hamstring twins, are out again this week, so Dez and Scandrick will both have to have big games. DeMarcus Ware, held without a sack for the first time all year last week, will make up for it with a multi-sack performance against the Bills. Kill Joe! Here is the start of the winning streak that takes Dallas to the playoffs.

Go Cowboys!

category: Uncategorized
tags:

Cowboys Nation,
OK, let’s try to polish this turd.
The Dallas Cowboys were just handed their largest margin of defeat in the Jason Garrett era, losing to the E-girls 34-7. Interesting in that it was the exact same score by which these same Dallas Cowboys had defeated their previous opponent, the St. Louis Lambs, the week before. What I do not believe though, is that the difference in the quality of the three teams in question is that great. The Cowboys pounded the Lambs. They didn’t even show up against the E-girls. Let’s take a look at the game and how it affects the Cowboys moving forward.

The Cowboys released RB Tashard Choice, who got claimed off of waivers by the Washington Deadskins, because they felt that after DeMarco Murray’s 253 yard rushing performance in one game that they had seen enough to make him their new guy, and Choice was expendable. I’m ok with that. They came into Philly with the number one rushing defense in the league, and promptly got gashed by Michael Vick and LeShithead McCoy. They couldn’t stop the run to save their own paychecks. Second year ILB Sean Lee dislocated his left wrist on a tackle of Vick in the first half, and never returned. It looked bad. He may be out indefinitely. It was a totally freak accident. How the hell do you dislocate your wrist? You’ve got eight frickin’ bones in there! We saw the first action of the year by rookie Bruce Carter, be it only on special teams though. With Lee’s injury, we may see more of Carter in a hurry at the inside linebacker position. This is primarily due to the fact that Bradie James looks fat, and Keith Brooking is too slow and can no longer tackle anyone. So while the Dallas D was giving up huge yardage in the run game, one would think that it was because they were doing such a good job protecting against the pass. But no. The Cowboys secondary was playing so far off the E-girls receivers it looked like they thought they had leprosy. And to top it all off, CB Mike Jenkins pulled his hamstring again and looks like he’ll be out for several weeks. Can’t stop the run, plus no tight coverage, equals getting your ass kicked. The E-girls, on the other hand, played very tight pass coverage all night, limiting the Cowboys two best receivers, Austin and Bryant, to three catches each with no touchdowns. The plain and simple fact of the matter is that the Cowboys got out coached on Sunday night. Andy Reid had an answer for everything the Cowboys threw at him on both sides of the ball. The Cowboys got whipped on the line of scrimmage all night. Couldn’t block, couldn’t tackle. They acted as though they never wanted to play this game, phoning it in from the hotel. Hey, they just beat a winless team by 27 points, and they ARE the Dallas Cowboys after all. We got this.
No, Garrett. You don’t. There’s no pretty way to view this. I believe the bastardized Latin for this is fecundum non simonizem; you can’t polish a turd.

Eli Update: After a well-deserved rest on the bye week, where New Jersey Vagiants QB, She-li Womanning, and his best butt buddy, Ahhh-mad Bradshaw, got matching mani-pedi’s and Bro-zilians, they soundly defeated the winless Miami Dolphins in typical Vagiants style. There was never any question about this game. She-li, that wiley field general, engineered an easy win that was never in doubt, once again proving his greatness. We might as well just enshrine him in Canton this weekend. He’s on the fast track for the Hall.

Next up for The Best Team In Football is a home game against Seattle. The Seahawks have been an unpredictable lot so far this season, beating the Giants and losing to just about everybody else. The Cowboys have to win this game. There’s no two ways about it. Lose this one, and it’s bye-bye season. Win this game, and they have the potential to go on a 13 game winning streak and win the Super Bowl. Garrett needs to learn how to get the most out of his team, kinda like Jim Harbaugh in San Francisco. Yeah, how big is that overtime win against the 49ers looking now? I’d take 6-1 right about now. Wouldn’t you? And no, I don’t want to trade Tony Romo for Alex Smith. But Garrett can’t let a QB like Charlie Whitehurst beat him this week, either. The Seahawks are essentially without any defense or offensive weapons. They look like the Mariners out there. A big win will bring the confidence back to Big D, get them back to .500, and while the Vagiants lose to New England this week, it will also bring the Cowboys closer to first place. (tune in this Sunday to watch both Brady and Manning leave the game with Theismann-like injuries)

Prediction: Cowboys 31 – Seahawks 17
A two touchdown home victory is just what the doctor ordered for the Cowboys this Sunday. DeMarcus Ware has 12 sacks in just the first seven games, and he’ll be looking to add to that total. Bruce Carter will get more playing time on the inside, and Orlando Scandrick will have to start in place of Jenkins. This is a must win for the Cowboys… but, then again, I think every game is a must win. Kill Joe. Block. Tackle. Hold onto the ball. It sounds simple when you can actually do it. Jason Garrett needs to show the league that he can, or else the Cowboys are in trouble. I don’t want to start looking forward to the draft before Thanksgiving again. At least we don’t have to worry about Tim Tebow in Dallas!

Go Cowboys!