… Intentionally Offensive Since 2006
category: Uncategorized

Cowboys Nation,
Monday night football, Cowboys –vs- Redskins, bitter rivalry, home opener, first place in the NFC East at stake, and the NFL puts Ed Fuckin Hoculi and his crew of blind zebras in Dallas to officiate the game. Brilliant! I think Hoculi was too busy pumping iron on the sidelines to build up his girl-guns to actually see the game on the field. He and his crew missed four false starts by the Redskins, three offsides by the Cowboys, and DeMarcus Ware being not only held on every play, but TACKLED by the offensive line right in front of his face… and no flags. They also ignored the Redskins defense calling out snap count signals all night to get the Cowboys center, Phil Costa, to mess up the shotgun snaps to Tony Romo… which is a 15 yard unsportsman-like conduct penalty. Had Hoculi and the other officials actually paid attention to the game, then the Cowboys would not have had four fumbled snaps, and they would have greatly benefitted from the extra 15 yards on several occasions. Maybe the Redskins would have stopped doing it if Hoculi flagged them for it at least ONCE. The Vegas point spread fix was on again, only this time the Cowboys actually won the game, despite all of the rampant cheating by both the Redskins and the refs. Mike Shannahan, I’m disappointed. Now, let’s be clear, I don’t like to bitch about the refs, but when even Jon Gruden, famous referee ass-kisser commentator, makes note of the blatantly missed calls, then you know something is very wrong. DeMarcus Ware was sought out by the media for a post-game interview, but he was still being held by the Redskins offensive line, and could not be reached for comment. God, I hate the Redskins. Big talker/pole smoker cornerback DeAngelo Hall spouted off several times the week before the game about how he was going to target his hits on Tony Romo’s ribcage. Romo must have disguised himself as a wide receiver the whole game because Hall never got near him. Guess which award Hall gets this week.

Tony Romo played a game that may end up defining his career, playing through the pain of fractured ribs, much like last week’s win over San Francisco, only this time he did not throw a touchdown pass, the first such game in the last 21 where that did not occur. In fact, the Cowboys did not even score a touchdown at all, and won by the strength and accuracy of the leg of their rookie kicker, Dan Bailey, who kicked 6 field goals in the 18-16 win over the previously unbeaten Maryland Foreskins. That’s a rookie record, not a team record. The defense was led by DeMarcus Ware’s two sacks (even though he was being held on EVERY play) and by second year ILB Sean Lee’s first half interception and game-ending fumble recovery. Anthony Spencer finally showed up, too, making the play at the end by running down Foreskins dick wiper Train Rex Grossman and causing the fumble that Lee recovered. I think Lee is the best draft pick that the Cowboys have made (2nd round 2010) since they drafted Ware. Spencer needs to show up like this every week.

Of course, in honor of Tony Romo, and it being Monday Night Football, we had BBQ ribs for dinner. Tony’s ribs. Wasn’t that a M*A*S*H episode?

Correction: After further review, the call on the field is reversed. Tony Romo did not get his ribs broken by DB Carlos Rogers at the 11:00 minute mark in the SF game as previously reported last week. It was actually on the second play of the game by an inside rush on a linebacker blitz. Tony played THE ENTIRE GAME with a punctured lung and broken ribs in San Francisco. And Michael Vick is complaining about how much he’s getting hit. No wonder he likes dogfights, he’s a pussy!

Eli Update: She-li Womanning was named Offensive Player of the Week (and I mean offensive) because his Vagiants beat the E-girls. Let’s face it, Mooch or Skeeter could have thrown the passes for touchdowns that She-li threw, his receivers were so wide open. E-girls, Dream Team? How about Dream On. After the game, She-li gave his dwarf porn double a celebratory blumpkin. It was magnificent… if not a bit smelly.

Next up for The Best Team In Football is the Detroit Lions in Dallas. It’s an early game this Sunday because the NFL schedulers didn’t think that the Motor City Kitties would be good enough to put them in the late afternoon “marquee matchup” position on tv. Oh well. Detroit comes to town with a 3-0 record. They, like the Deadskins, will leave Dallas with their first loss of the season. No player on the Cowboys roster was missed more against the Deadskins than Miles Austin. He will be sorely missed again this week, but the Cowboys will find a way to ‘git ‘er done’ again. In the history of the NFL, no team until Jason Garrett’s Cowboys had ever played 9 consecutive games decided by three points or less. That’s the streak the Cowboys currently hold. This is no cause for celebration, people. The ‘Boys are only 5-4 during this stretch. If not for some bone-headed miscues by certain unnamed personnel (whose initials are Roy Williams and David Buehler, among others), they would be 8-1, if not 9-0. Jason Garrett needs to learn a few lessons in how to be a head coach in this league if he wants to stick around. First and foremost of which is how to call a fucking play in the red zone that can score a touchdown. This is three games in a row to start the season that Garrett has come up empty in the red zone, moreover first and goal situations. UNACCEPTABLE! The most basic, and difficult to defend play from scrimmage inside the 5 yard line is the fake handoff left, rollout right, with the QB run / pass option to the TE in the end zone. How about DUH! This is the play that we’ve been waiting for, and have yet to see from the Ivy League Genius pretending to be the head coach and offensive coordinator of the Dallas Cowboys. Garrett has to come up with some real scoring plays if he wants to beat the Kittens (who are entirely beatable by the way). Detroit could easily be 1-2 if they had played teams that didn’t just give up and let ‘em off the hook twice. The only game they totally outplayed and rolled over their opponent was against Kansas City, and they’re not scaring anybody. P-U! Kansas City stinks. They, and maybe Miami, are in the Suck For Luck Bowl. As in, whoever has the worst record at the end of the season can draft Andrew Luck out of Stanford with the number one overall pick. Yes. Detroit can beat KC. Detroit can’t beat Dallas.

Prediction: Dallas 31- Detroit 27
Dallas wins another nail biter in a game filled with big plays on both sides of the ball, but the 3-point game streak ends here with a 4-point win. Garrett needs to learn how to put away an inferior team. Dallas gets 5 more sacks on QB Matt Stafford to increase its league-leading total. Tony will come up big again in the fourth quarter and win another close one with his make-shift receiving corps. The Cowboys need Miles Austin. He knows how to run a pass route. It comes down to who makes the last mistake, and it will be Detroit. It’s time to Kill Joe!

Go Cowboys!

p.s. Can somebody please smack the shit out of Tom Brady… and She-li.

category: Uncategorized

Cowboys Nation,
First things first, Candlestick Park is a dump. They need a new stadium in the Bay Area in a bad way. It took us an hour and a half to get off the highway at the Candlestick Park exit and into the parking lot before the game, and then three hours to get back after the game, which is including the hour and a half that we spent in the parking lot before we ever moved. Thank God the Cowboys won, or else we would have probably killed some stupid-ass parking lot attendant that was deprived of oxygen at birth that couldn’t figure out that traffic actually MOVES when all the lanes aren’t blocked off by (removable) plastic orange cones that serve no purpose other than to block the usual and customary flow of cars as there were already three lanes dedicated to the police and emergency vehicles. That being said, we had a great time. What a hoot. Although I still can’t understand how Jesse Holley, with a five yard head start, gets caught from behind and doesn’t score on the last play of the game in overtime, instead causing the Cowboys to win it with a short field goal. I thought Wide Receivers were supposed to be fast.

Tony Romo put on a second half performance for the ages as he returned to the field with one minute left in the third quarter after sustaining two fractured ribs and a pneumothorax (punctured lung) on his left side with 11:00 minutes left in the second quarter. He went 20 for 33 with 345 yards and 2 TD’s, for a passer rating of 116.4. We were sitting in the stands commenting on how poorly Tony looked in the second quarter; his posture slumped, accuracy off, attitude defeated. We had no idea that he had broken ribs until after the game. God bless Sports Center. It was a 3rd and 8 with 11 minutes left in the first half, the Cowboys had yet to score because head coach Jason Garrett can’t call a play to get into the end zone with a first and goal at the very beginning of the game to save his mother’s life, when forty-whiners CB Carlos Rogers hit Tony in the blind side rib cage, forcing an incompletion and a punt to follow. I put that on Garrett, too. He needs to keep a running back in the backfield to protect that from happening when he has a pass play called to the right side. So Tony comes through late in the first half with a TD to Miles Austin to cut the halftime deficit to 14-7. In the third quarter, out comes Jon “Psycho Boy” Kitna, who throws one TD pass and two interceptions. In comes Romo, fractured ribs, punctured lung and all, to save the day. It was as though he’d been treated by Mr. Miyagi at halftime. He brought the Cowboys back from 10 points down in the fourth quarter to tie it up at the end of regulation, and then win it in OT. Very courageous effort. Most manly. Any doubts about Tony’s toughness? Jack Youngblood only had a broken fibula, a non-weight bearing bone. We’re talkin’ punctured lung here. The biggest problem with this story is that this is the very injury I’ve been begging the defenses across the NFL to impart on Tom Brady. I just added the extra “tension pneumothorax sucking chest wound” to it, that’s all. Will someone please smack the shit out of Tom Brady?

Felix Jones suffered a separated shoulder in the first quarter of the game Sunday, and continued to play. This is the same injury Emmitt had in that January ’93 game that demonstrated to the league what a badass he was. Felix played on, too, he just didn’t have the stats to make it very impressive. Had he rushed for over 150 yards, then we’d be talking about Felix’s toughness, too.

Another problem that the Cowboys had all day in SF was the extremely poor play calling on the part of Garrett. Not only can he not score touchdowns in the red zone, he can’t manage the clock worth a shit either. With time running out in the fourth quarter, and the Cowboys had the ball with two timeouts left, Garrett, in his infinite stupidity, called back to back running plays that gained zero yardage without calling a timeout! He just let the clock run down to 2 seconds left in the game, with the ball on the 31 yard line, not trying to win the game, but just EXPECTING that his rookie kicker who had already missed a 22 yard field goal at the beginning of the game would just waltz in and nonchalantly boot the tying 48 yard field goal as time expired. Brass balls, or bone head? Of course, he looks like a fuckin’ genius because they won. Better to be lucky than good, huh? Oh, BTW, Miles Austin re-injured his hamstring on the last running play before the tying field goal. Way to call ’em, Garrett. I think you went to Princeton Elementary, not University. This is the problem of having a rookie head coach.

Defensive coordinator Rob Ryan has the Cowboys defense playing well (statistically) so far this season. The Cowboys have their opponents struggling in the running game, and fearful of DeMarcus Ware coming from all angles now. The Cowboys had 6 sacks against forty-whiners QB Alex Smith, including two each by Ware and Jason Hatcher; who I really like and is coming into his own on the defensive line. Kill Joe. It’s the secondary that has been sucking so far. Alan Ball can’t cover a foot with a sock. The Cowboys need to get Terrence Oldman’s vaginitis cleared up soon, so he can get back on the field and start contributing to the winning effort…and earning his paycheck.

Eli Update: She-li Manning threw a beautiful interception in the first quarter against the Lambs, with all the skill of a Special Olympian, only to see the enormous ineptitude of St. Louis allow him to recover for a win. Of course, it takes the vaunted Vagiants defense to fake injuries to stop the mighty Lambs of St. Louis. She-li celebrated the victory at the New Jersey safe house by having anal sex with his own dwarf porn double. It was like having sex with himself, only better… and up the ass.

Next up for the Best Team In Football is the Maryland Foreskins in the Cowboys home opener on Monday night. The Deadskins are a surprising 2-0 to start the season, having defeated She-li’s Vagiants and Kevin “Corn on the “ Kolb’s Cardinals. Time for them to lose. Their QB, Train-Rex Grossman, is such a dick wiper. No wonder he plays for the Foreskins. The Cowboys need to establish a running game to take the pressure off of Tony Romo, something that Garrett’s offense has yet to do. It’s great that Tony is in the top five in the NFL in passing after two weeks, but not if it means that that’s all they can do. I’d like to see the Cowboys leading the league in both categories! It’s going to be a tough game. It usually is.

Prediction: Cowboys 31 – Deadskins 27
The Cowboys will continue to struggle defensively in the secondary, giving up way too many points to an inferior opponent. Tony may not even play, but I wouldn’t put it past him to lead them to another victory when they need it most against their most bitter and hated division rival. Yes, this calls for another Kill Joe!

Go Cowboys!

category: Uncategorized

Cowboys Nation,
Here we go again. Just like last year, when the Cowboys had beaten the Redskins up and down the field on opening night, only to lose to an inferior team because of stupid mistakes. Is this some kind of curse? Are the Cowboys doomed to repeat the woes of last season? Does Dallas need a new Quarterback? One that can win it all, instead of making poor decisions that cost them games in crunch time? If you listen to the ESPN gurus, then you have your answer. But, as you might guess, I have my own opinion on the subject.

Tony Romo started the game last Sunday night against the Jets in the New Jersey Swamplands looking like a player bound and determined to win. Like a field general moving his men into the right positions to make plays, orchestrating maneuvers against a defense that could only play a step behind. Like a man in charge. If only he could have finished the game the same way. Romo went 23 for 36 for 342 yards, 2 TD’s, 1 int., 1 costly fumble at the goal line, and was sacked 4 times, and yet he was still in a position to win the game with less than 3 minutes left on the clock… twice. He opened the game with an 80 yard drive down the field for a touchdown. After the defense stopped the Jets on the first possession of the second half, he led the Cowboys down the field for another touchdown. He needs to play like it’s the first possession of the game on EVERY possession of the game. The Cowboys don’t need a starter, they need a finisher. Virtually perfect through three quarters, with no turnovers, poised to take a commanding 31-10 lead early in the final period, then a monumental collapse in the fourth quarter that included two Romo turnovers and a blocked punt returned for a touchdown. RUFKM? This was the first game of the Cowboys franchise’s 51st year, and it was the first time in their history that they had ever lost a game in which they held a 14 or more point lead in the fourth quarter. EVER. Thanks for that. The Jets didn’t win this game, the Cowboys just lost it.

The Cowboys defense had 3 sacks on Sanchez (is that dirty, or nasty?), had 1 interception that was returned to the goal line, and 1 fumble recovery late in the game that could have saved the day if it weren’t for Tony’s mistakes. Dallas also had 7 penalties for 40 yards (not bad for them if you examine recent history), but the Jets had ZERO. Yes, the New York City 9/11 fix was on. There was no way that the Cowboys were ever going to win that game. Romo said after the game, “Hey, I just restructured my contract, and the offer was there. Diamond rings don’t grow on trees, ya know.” Yes. He threw the game… just to piss me off.

Injury update: WR Dez Bryant left the game after sustaining a deep thigh bruise when returning a punt, only to come back into the game later, wholly ineffective. CB Orlando Scandrick suffered a high ankle sprain in the second quarter, and did not return. He is likely out 4-6 weeks. CB Mike Jenkins was in and out of the game all night with various bumps and bruises, but at least he gave great effort, even after being cheap-shotted by Plaxico “Where’s My Gun” Burress. CB Terrence Newman (Oldman) missed the game with a severe case of vaginitis.

Eli update: She-li Manning and his Vagiants lost to the Mighty Foreskins of Maryland. She-li looked great throwing an interception to a rookie Defensive Lineman that was returned for a touchdown. After the play, he walked off the field with his usual dumbass, whiny look on his face like he couldn’t understand why he sucked so bad. Poor Eli, bless his heart, dumb as a post. He don’t know no better.

Next up for the Best Team In Football is a trip out to the left coast to play the Forty-Whiners. I will be there in the stands wearing my Tony Romo jersey (yes, he’s still my favorite current player even given his most recent transgressions against football humanity) alongside my traveling foursome of drinkers with a golfing problem, Roo, Mudduck, and the Bro. Incidentally, I just got word that the Largest of Bobs will also be in attendance at the Stick by the Bay this Sunday. Cool. It’ll be fun watching the ‘Boys handle San Francisco like a Rottweiler with a new squeaky toy. No Ted Ginn returns for touchdowns this week, that’s for sure. Tony just needs to take care of the football.

Prediction: Dallas 38 – SF 17

This week head coach Jason Garrett will learn how to punch it in for a touchdown on goal-to-go situations by calling a play that actually works instead of having his QB run around like a stoopa-foo and coughing up the football like Vincent with a hairball once he finally realizes that Catherine ain’t ever gonna fuck him.

Go Cowboys!

category: Uncategorized

Cowboys Nation,
The cuts are in. The 53-man roster has been selected. But this is by no means a final picture of what the 2011 Dallas Cowboys will look like .

Thank God the Cowboys cut Igor Olshansky. I was really getting tired of watching him stand around while his teammates made tackles. I think he made two all of last year, and when he did make a stop, he’d dance around like Mark Gastineau in the 80’s after a sack. See ya, wouldn’t wanna be ya. Other notable cuts by The Best Team in Football include Chris Gronkowski, infamous for getting Tony Romo’s clavicle fractured last year, and Akwasi Owusu-Ansah. AO-A was a fourth round draft pick last year and played late in the 2010 season after rehabbing from a training camp injury. He also returns kicks, and I thought they might need him there, especially after Raymond Radway suffered a tib-fib fracture in the last preseason game against Miami. Fourth string QB Tom Brandstater threw what literally turned out to be a hospital pass into the end zone and Radway was the unfortunate beneficiary. Now he’s on IR for the remainder of the season. Good thing they cut Brandstater, too. We don’t need to see Cowboys receivers being carted off the field because of poorly thrown balls by backup quarterbacks.

I was a little surprised that the Cowboys cut Brandon Williams, 3rd yr. LB out of Texas Tech. I thought that he was playing well this preseason. But apparently Jason Garrett liked the undrafted rookie free agent out of Boston College, Alex Albright, better. Albright is 6’5”, 257 lbs. and will probably be cheaper than the third year Williams, but he does have a history of neck injury problems. The Cowboys released G Montrae Holland, and picked up former Texas Longhorn Derrick Dockery for some veteran depth on the Offensive Line. They also released S Andrew Sendejo, 2nd yr. out of Rice, mainly for looking like Pancho Villa.

In addition to cutting Gronkowski, the Cowboys also released every Fullback on the roster. That was somewhat surprising as well. They did pick up Fullback Tony Fiammetta, just released by the Carolina Panthers, though. The good news is that they made the right decision by keeping Dallas-area native Phillip Tanner and releasing Lonyae Miller. Tanner, who switched his jersey number to 24, is so good that he could probably serve as a lead blocker for Felix Jones if they wanted him to. Jones and Tanner in the same backfield could prove to be quite a threat. Both are good Tailbacks, which could easily set up a fake handoff to Tanner, and then Tony swings a pass to Felix for big yardage on a third and short. Bottom line: I like the direction that Garrett has this team heading.

Next up is the season opener in the New Jersey Swamplands against the Jets. Could this be a Super Bowl preview? Lots of so-called experts had these two teams as favorites to be in the big game last year. With the Cowboys sucking so badly last season under the Pillsbury Dough Boy and expectations not as high going into this season, I’m not hearing a lot of Super Bowl talk this time around. Is anyone talking about the Jets, either? Most of what I’ve heard is about Michael “Pit Bull” Vick and the E-girls, and Sunshine and his merry band of New England Patsies. The good news is that the “experts” are always wrong, which gives the ‘Boys as good a chance as anyone in the league to “git ‘er done” this year. The big questions that need to be answered for the Cowboys will be on display for the Sunday Night opener. Will the secondary be able to prevent the long touchdowns that burned them for much of last year? Will Rob Ryan’s defense be able to stop the run if they’re too busy trying to pressure the QB and stop the pass? Will the new look, young Offensive Line be able to open holes for the running game and protect Tony Romo? Does Dallas have a kicker that they can rely on? For me, there are too many question marks going into this season to be really comfortable. But maybe that’s the idea; being too comfortable makes a team soft, sloppy, and predictable… kinda like last year. It’s time for Garrett to make his mark on this team and the future of the Dallas Cowboys.

Prediction: Cowboys 20 – Jets 17
Look for a traditionally low scoring opening night game from both the Cowboys and their opponent, as the defenses bend but don’t break, and the big plays on offense are limited. Rookie kicker Dan Bailey earns his stripes by making the game-winning field goal late in the contest. It’s Rob – vs- Rex, and these two twins want to beat each other’s ass on national TV. I like the Cowboys’ chances.

Other games:
Green Bay over New Orleans (Thurs. night)
Houston over Indianapolis
Baltimore over Pittsburgh
Detroit over Tampa Bay
St. Louis over Philadelphia
New England over Miami (Monday night)
Denver over Oakland (Monday night)

Eli Update:
He still sucks.
Here’s hoping that he throws three interceptions and that Washington can put him on his ass all day. I’d actually pay to watch that.

Can’t wait for Opening Night! Traditional Nacho-fest menu to celebrate another new season of the greatest thing that television has to offer: DALLAS COWBOYS FOOTBALL!
Go Cowboys!

category: Uncategorized

Cowboys Nation,
The Dallas Cowboys are now three games into the preseason, having beaten the Donkeys and Vikes, and losing to San Diego, and I’m just not that excited yet. They haven’t shown me anything to get excited about. Jerry Jones has now cut Andre Gurode, the 5-time Pro Bowl Center, because of salary cap reasons, leaving two thirds of the interior of the Offensive line to be filled by rookies. This while the E-girls continue their assault on the salary cap limits by extending Michael Vick’s contract out to 6 years for $100 million, $40 million of which is guaranteed. I’m still amazed at how Philadelphia can pay so many high-priced players and remain under the cap. Either they have a GM that knows what he’s doing, or else they have a very creative accountant. Vick will count $14 million against the cap this season, and an average of over $16 million against the cap for each of the next 5 years. And the Cowboys have to cut Gurode for making $6 million? Screwy business, this salary cap thing. Maybe Jerry Jones just needs some help with math.

So far this preseason I’ve been impressed with undrafted free-agent Phillip Tanner, RB, rookie out of Middle Tennessee State. He runs hard, makes good cuts, and has a nose for the first down marker. He’s certainly out-played Lonyae Miller. Tanner has been better than Choice, too. DeMarco Murray has been limited to playing just the second half of game three so far, so we haven’t seen much out of him. Murray is a third round draft pick, so he’s not going to get cut. Choice is making the team, no question. But watch, Garrett will cut Tanner and keep Miller as a backup. Of all the running backs, Felix is hands down the number one guy. But if I had to choose the second guy on the depth chart, it would be Tanner.

Dez Bryant is going to be an absolute stud in the NFL. Mark it down, he is coming up big this season. For all of you fantasy players out there, the Romo to Bryant connection is going to pay off with huge points this year. We haven’t seen Miles Austin yet this preseason because he’s been sidelined by a hamstring injury. The Cowboys are going to need both of these guys for Tony to have the kind of year we’re looking for. I think that the running game is going to be good, as long as Jerry Jones can field a group of Offensive linemen that can open up some holes. The same goes for the passing game, if the O-line can protect Romo. The biggest question on the Cowboys of 2011 is the defense.

New defensive coordinator Rob Ryan has emphasized his aggressive style and approach to the defensive side of the ball will bring back the swagger to the defense and the winning ways to Dallas. I haven’t seen it yet. The three preseason games that the Cowboys have played have shown very little ability to stop the run, which is the foundation of a defense. They are also getting burned by the deep ball, and giving up way too many first downs by allowing opposing receivers to find soft spots in their zone coverages. I’m not sure how he’s doing it, but Ryan’s defense is effectively making DeMarcus Ware invisible. I don’t think he was ever called by name by the two jackass commentators on the Vikings Football Network, Ari Wolfe and Mike Mayock. But there’s little surprise there. Those two idiots barely have two neurons between them to rub together. Oh well.

Eli Update: She-li Manning has continued to impress the NFL by throwing interceptions and failing to put up points during the preseason. Gosh, it sure is fun to watch him throw interceptions. The look on his face as he starts to whine on the field is priceless. Now he gets to whine even more this year because a bunch of his Vagiants teammates are getting injured, and his butt buddy Brandon Jacobs found a new boyfriend. Poor She-li. He’ll just have to find a new guy to ram him hard after practice. Head cheese to go with that whine.

2011 Predictions:
Tony Romo throws for 4269 yards, with 30 TD’s and 7 int’s, and a passer rating of 102.5.
Dez Bryant has 94 receptions for 1387 yards and 14 TD’s.
Felix Jones rushes for 1290 yards and 12 TD’s.
Jason Witten leads the club in receptions with 106.
DeMarcus Ware leads the league in sacks with 22.
The Cowboys defense leads the league in turnovers created with 39.
The Cowboys finish 11-5, but only because of some bad calls by the officials that make them lose two games that they should have won.
The Cowboys win the NFC East.
Peyton Manning will not finish the season healthy, and the Colts do not make the playoffs.
The Bears and Seahawks also do not make the playoffs this year.
Michael Vick goes down with an injury in the first four games of the season and will be out for the year. It always happens to the Fantasy Darling of the Year.
Osi Umenyiora, after contract disputes and asking to be traded from the Vagiants, will injure his ACL and be out for the year. Oh wait, that already happened. Check that one off the list.
Chris “CJ2K” Johnson will be named the DFN of the Year, for not immediately signing the $10 million per year contract that the Titans offered because he said he wanted $13 million/yr. Karmic Law states that he will go down with a knee injury, too, once he finally gets his ass on the field. (Trade him now fantasy players.)
The Dallas Cowboys will defeat the New England Patsies in Super Bowl XLVI 32-26, for their sixth championship.

College Football Update:
The Aggies of Texas A&M have turned tail and run away from the Big 12, now that there are only 10 teams in the conference and Texas has a huge contract with ESPN. I guess the Aggies are bitter that Texas gets all the money when they play the Longhorns on TV now. That, and they suck. Hook’em Horns!

Next up is the last preseason game of the year for the Cowboys as they travel to Miami to play the fish in an otherwise meaningless game. I’m just looking forward to the Jets game Sunday night, Sept. 11th.

Go Cowboys!