… Intentionally Offensive Since 2006
category: Uncategorized

Cowboys Nation,
All eight of the Dallas Cowboys 2011 draft picks have been signed to 4-year contracts and are in camp now. Bruce Carter, LB out of North Carolina, may miss a lot of work in camp due to his ACL injury from last November, but at least he’s signed, in camp rehabbing, and will likely be available to play this year as a backup and special teams guy. Hey, if he’s better than Barbie Carpenter then it’s a win for the Cowboys. With the new CBA in place, and all of the draft picks signed, you have to wonder how the new agreement affects all of the teams in the NFL. The owners get a bigger piece of the pie; 53%, up from 50% with the last CBA. The players get new and improved working conditions, with less hard hitting contact in practices, so they are happy too. So who are the biggest losers in this new deal? Simple: the rookies.

Instead of just missing the OTA’s in the offseason, the rookies are now taking it UTA (up the ass) with the new limits on rookie contracts. Last year’s number one pick in the draft, Sam Bradford, received a 5-year contract worth $86 million, with $50 million guaranteed. This year’s number one pick, Cam Newton, will get a four year deal worth less than half of that amount, $23 million to be exact, with all of it guaranteed. Nobody is gonna cry for Newton, and he ain’t goin’ to the po’ house, but it’s gotta sting that Bradford cashed in double just one year before him. The whole business of paying a top draft pick for his college career had obviously gotten out of hand and something had to be done about it. That’s what the owners wanted out of the new CBA. Also, the veterans were getting tired of seeing some snot-nosed kid make ten times what they were making before he even took a single NFL snap. Bradford’s gotta be laughing all the way to the bank. This will be forever known as the Jamarcus Russell Rule, the LSU QB who after being drafted number one overall and was guaranteed $38 million, gained fifty pounds and got hooked on cough syrup and is now out of football, much to the detriment of Al Davis’s checkbook. Funny how Davis was the only owner to not vote for the new CBA. Too long on the dark side I suppose. Help me, Obi-wan.

The other interesting outcome as a result of the new CBA is the league’s new policy regarding holdouts. Now if a player wants to sit out of training camp as a contract holdout, the team that they currently are under contract with can fine them $30,000 a day. That’s $210,000 a week, and $900,000 a month. Ouch. It looks like DeShithead Jackson won’t be holding out in Philly, Frank Gore may have to think twice in San Francisco, and Chris “CJ2K” Johnson may have to scuttle his ass back to Nashville in a hurry before he misses another payment on his gold choppers. The good news is that there are no holdouts on the Cowboys.

Free Agent Update:
Philadelphia got everybody.

How is it that the E-girls are able to land all of the big name free agents under the new cap, and the Cowboys can barely make it under the cap after releasing four starters? I think I know the answer, and it’s not very pretty. Jerry Jones overpays for lesser talent because he thinks he knows football, and Philly actually has a GM that knows more about football than the oil and gas business. So now the E-girls are claiming to be the new Dream Team. Michael Vick, Vince Young, Nnamdi Asomugha, Cullen Jenkins, Jason Babin, Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie, Ryan Harris, and a new DL coach. They’re already holding a parade for all of the championships that they are going to win. It’s not if, it’s how many? Sounds like Wade, LeBron and Bosh to me. Oh, and who beat the Heat? DALLAS!
Cowboys Defensive Coordinator, Rob Ryan, said “I don’t know if we win the all-hype team, I think that might have gone to somebody else, but we’re going to beat their ass when we play them.” No fear. I like it.
The Cowboys have done their best to shore up the Safety spot on their roster by signing Gerald Sensabaugh and Abram Elam each to one-year contracts. Michael Huff, who I wanted with a star on his helmet, re-signed with the Raiders. Jerry had no money. The cash-strapped Cowboys will be paying dearly on the field for Jerry’s spending mistakes over the last few seasons, and it will likely carry over to next year and beyond. Jerry Jones is going to have to take a page out of Billy Beane’s playbook and learn how to make the playoffs with talent no one else values and with less money.

Eli Update:
Upon returning to training camp after his summer job had ended, She-li found that he had shitloads of inventory on hand that he was having trouble dumping. It turns out that he had to eat it. Apparently She-li really stinks at more than just football.

Injury Update:
Terrance Old-man pulled his groin again. He’s out for the pre-season games. At least the Cowboys still have Alan Ball to plug into the secondary at Corner. He doesn’t suck at Corner nearly as much as he sucks at Safety!

Go Cowboys!