… Intentionally Offensive Since 2006
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Cowboys Nation,
The Hysteria is over, and in case nobody noticed WE DIDN’T MISS ANY FOOTBALL! All this nonsense about ”football is back” is just ridiculous. It never left. Were YOU locked out?
Now that the owner’s lockout of the players in the NFL is finally over, we can all get back to our second favorite sports season, which we all know is Waiting For Football Season. The billionaire owners locked out the millionaire players, decided on an agreement that all of the owners themselves could agree upon (except the Raiders owner Al “Emperor Palpatine” Davis) and then bitched about how the players had to READ it before signing it. Hey, they’re not Nancy Pelosi and the House of Representatives here. These are football players, and they read something before they sign it. At least their lawyers do.

Now we have to wait and see what the hell all the fuss was about and get some details regarding the new CBA. I keep hearing that the Cowboys are in salary cap trouble already, right out of the shoot. Didn’t Jerry Jones know this going in? How could he vote on a new salary cap that was going to put his own team in trouble in the FIRST YEAR of the new agreement? Has he been smokin’ crack with Lawrence Taylor again? Apparently it’s also going to be too expensive from a cap standpoint to release the likes of Roy WR Williams and MBIII. It might even be too expensive to release Marc Colombo. We already know that his starting position is gone, with the first round draft pick of Tyron Smith. Anybody remember drafting him? I know. It’s been forever since the draft, and we still haven’t seen anything from these rookies yet.

Well, the dust is starting to settle already, and it looks like Jerry Jones is cutting bait where and when he can no matter the hit that his salary cap takes. Roy and Barber and Colombo are gone. With the new cap set at $120.4 million, Jerry’s payroll has to shrink. Unlike the Carolina Panthers, who have to spend more money just to reach the new team salary minimum. As part of the new CBA, each NFL team must now spend at least up to 95% of the allowable cap on player’s salaries. Carolina, cheap-ass owner Jerry Richardson’s team, was about $30 million under that figure last year and is now on a spending spree, essentially overpaying players because he now has to. (See Charles Johnson, DE $72 million contract.) Jerry Jones, on the other hand, is looking at “dead money” against his cap next season in 2012.

Cutting Marion Barber III will save the Cowboys $4.7 million this year, but his cap hit over the next two years is around $8 million. Cutting Roy Williams saves the Cowboys $5 million this year, but it costs their cap around $9 million over the next two seasons. Cutting Colombo will cost the team around $1 million against the cap. Therein lies the dead money; money that is counted against your cap that you cannot use to pay players on your current roster. The Cowboys also just signed Doug Free, LT, to a new 4 year $32 million contract, with $17 million of it guaranteed. Good.

New Collective Bargaining Rules:
Minimum salary for rookies is now $375,000. Minimum salary for a 10-yr veteran is now $910,000.
Most of the new CBA rules concern what the players have called “working conditions” and are a setup for a future 18 game season. These new rules all limit practice time, specifically practice time in full pads with hitting; ie. Practices where guys get hurt.
Off-season: workouts are limited to 9 weeks. 2 wks of strength and conditioning, 3 wks of instructional practices (no hitting), and 4 wks of OTA’s (Organized Team Activities) where hitting is permitted.
Pre-season: limited to one padded practice per day, with on-field time of no more than 4 hrs per day.
Regular season: 14 padded practices allowed for the entire season, 3 hrs maximum time per practice, 11 of those practices must be in the first 11 wks of the season.
Bye week: players must be given at least 4 consecutive days off, to include a Saturday.
Post-season: one padded practice per week allowed.
Yeah, I know. Bunch o’ pussies.
Revenues: 53% to the owners, 47% to the players. But I still haven’t found out yet if Jerry Jones has to split his luxury box proceeds with Buffalo. Cry babies.

Lockout Summer Jobs.
While Tony Romo was rehabbing his broken collar bone and playing golf during the lockout, other NFL players were doing some rather interesting side jobs. Ndamukong Suh was serving up Subway sandwiches in Detroit. NY Jets DT Sione Po’uha developed and marketed Bula, his own “anti-sports drink”, that works to relax you after sports instead of pump you up before them. Eli Manning spent his spring and summer lockout time at his new job selling used toilet paper. He got into it after discovering that he’d spent all of the money that he’d made playing football on gay hookers, and it was the only position he could find with his limited skill set. At least he can’t throw interceptions at his new job. His older brother, Peyton, said of Eli’s second career, “It’s a shitty job, and sales are in the toilet, but it really fits his personality. Besides, Eli already smells like shit anyway, so what’s the difference?” Thank you, Peyton. Thank you. Now that the lockout is over, Eli can just get back to doing what he does best…sucking on the football field.

First pre-season game against the Donkeys on Aug. 11th. Will the ‘Boys be ready? Will anybody else be? We’ll see. I’ll keep everyone updated on the free agent moves and all your favorite players being cut to make room for the new cap. Training Camp starts July 27th in San Antonio, the home of the Alamo, the River Walk, and Pace Picante Sauce. Let’s keep Dez healthy…and out of jail.
The Updates are back!

Go Cowboys!