… Intentionally Offensive Since 2006
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Cowboys Nation,
Saturday July 24 marked the beginning of the New Year for Cowboys fans across the world; Training Camp opened. With all of their draft picks signed, the Cowboys are one of the first teams to get it started this year. You can bet that several teams will not have their number one draft picks signed by the beginning of their respective camps. The Cowboys started a week earlier than usual because they play in five preseason games this year instead of the standard four. Tony Romo is off the golf course and back on the football field, after recording a second place finish at the American Century Golf Championship in Lake Tahoe two weeks ago. Eli Manning served as his caddie; not because they’re friends, but because She-li is Romo’s bitch. Tony donated his $75,000 prize money to charity, and gave She-li a gay porn video for the looping effort. Manning couldn’t wait to get home.

And speaking of being someone else’s bitch, the obligatory training camp controversy surrounding the Cowboys this year centers around Roy Williams hazing rookie Dez Bryant by telling him to carry his pads back to the locker room after practice, and Bryant refused. Dez telling Roy, “I ain’t yo roots!”

I have several problems with this. But instead of blowing it up into the perfect storm like the media has done over the last few days, I’ve decided to turn it into a new game that we can all play; it’s called Who’s The DFN?

Candidates: Roy Williams – Roy has come to the Cowboys with a huge contract that has overpaid this under-achiever. With just 57 catches in two years, several dropped balls, and multiple complaints on his anemic resume, Williams has neither the reputation nor the chops to demand another player to carry anything for him. Roy, thus far, can’t even carry Miles Austin’s jock. Being a seven-year veteran doesn’t automatically make you a leader on the team. Roy contends that he had to carry the pads of the established players when he was a rookie, and he’s just passing along the tradition. Is Roy disrespecting Dez, or is this just innocent rookie hazing?
Dez Bryant – This number one draft pick has a checkered past that is now being re-examined in the newly cast light of juicy controversy. Is he standing up for himself by refusing to carry Williams’s pads? Is it because it was Williams, and not some other player, that Dez refused to play along? Is Dez being disrespectful, or disrespected? Or is he just ignorant of the NFL’s traditions? Maybe Dez doesn’t want anything to do with Williams, because he knows they’re fighting for the same job on the team. If Dez refuses to go along with the whole I’m-a-vet-you’re-a-rookie thing, then he sure as hell better not tell a new rookie in a few years to carry his pads. Sports hates a hypocrite.
Wade Phillips – The head coach of the Cowboys has done nothing to contain this ugly situation. Bill Parcells used to make his number one draft choice serve as his own personal water boy during breaks in practice. Wade isn’t that creative. He’s also not savvy enough to know when to step in and quiet a swelling media outburst. It’s as though he’s waiting for Jerry Jones to speak up first. Not very Head-Coach-like, Wade.

So… who’s the DFN? Roy, for being a dick, Dez, for being a diva, or Wade, for being a dumbass? You decide.

Stay tuned.
It’s going to be a great season!
Go Cowboys!