… Intentionally Offensive Since 2006
category: NFL Draft

Cowboys Nation,
Well, I got out of the hospital after suffering my latest brain hemorrhage due to the Cowboys drafting a WR in the first round. I now have a shunt in the base of my brain to prevent this from happening again, but I have pain behind my eyes every time I urinate, and whenever I sneeze I crap my pants. Thanks Jerry.
The really good Offensive Tackles were off the board before we could get them, and the word on the street was that Baltimore wanted Dez Bryant in a bad way, so we moved up three spots and nabbed him with the 24th pick. Top 10 talent, 24th pick. My brain stopped bleeding when I finally processed this information.

Former Cowboys employee, Jeff Ireland, now an executive with the Miami Dolphins, reportedly asked Dez Bryant if his mother was a prostitute during an interview. Ireland defended the act by saying he wanted to see if the young potential draftee could handle the pressure of that line of questioning. Here’s how it really went:

JI: “Is your mother a prostitute?”

DB: “Say what?”

JI: “I mean, is yo mama a five dolla ho, a fifty dolla ho, or a crack ho? See, I work for Bill Parcells, and he’s still good friends with Lawrence Taylor, and LT is always lookin’, if ya know what I mean.”

DB: “Sheeeeeit, man.”

I really like the second round draft pick, Sean Lee, ILB Penn St. As I’ve been reminded over the years, you can never have too many Penn State linebackers. Jerry & Co. had this kid rated as a first round talent, but fell to the mid-second round due to ACL reconstruction surgery. He was the second rated ILB in the draft, behind only Top Ten pick Rolando McClain out of Alabama. Good. We need someone who can tackle. Now we need to get rid of our first round Special (Olympics) Teams player Barbie Carpenter.

Jerry did some manuevering with his draft order, moving up in both the first and second rounds, moving out of the third round, and picking up an extra 6th round pick. Besides Bryant and Lee, the Cowboys picked Akwasi Owusu-Ansah, Safety/CB from Indiana PA, 6’0″, 207# in the 4th round,  the 126th pick overall. I like this kid, had my eye on him before the draft, but didn’t think he’d be available that late in the 4th round. He also gets the award for having the best name in the draft. Why is it that the guy with the African name that no one can pronounce is always the best cornerback around? (See Raiders and Rams) Maybe he’s the “ansah”.

Next we got Sam Young, OT Notre Dame, 6’8″, 316#, 6th round, 179th pick overall. Big slow white guy who started all four years on the O-line for the Irish; a team you will recall that has sucked for the last four years. He’ll be a project… and a backup.  He’s one of those “who knows” players that may surprise us in a few years, kinda like Doug Free. Our second pick in the 6th round was Jamar Wall, CB Texas Tech, 5’10″, 204#. He’s got a great decleating hit on youtube. Check it out. In the 7th round, we got Sean Lissemore, DL Wm & Mary, 6’4″, 298#, with the 234th overall pick. I think the writing is on the wall for either Marcus Spears or Igor Olshansky (or both) to be held out for trade bait.

Undrafted Free Agents to watch: Barry Church, Safety, Toledo. Lorenzo Washington, DL, Alabama. Chris Gronkowski, FB, Arizona. I thought Jerry might actually draft another Fullback, given Deon Anderson’s off the field problems, but this kid from AZ looks like he might make the team.

After it was all said and done, I felt pretty good about what The Best Team In Football had done in the 75th NFL Draft and with the accumulation of an extra 17 UFA’s. I’ll wait and see if these guys can make the team and keep their respective noses clean.

I’ll continue the rant later.

Go Cowboys!

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