… Intentionally Offensive Since 2006
category: NFL Draft

Cowboys Nation,

Jerry Jones pulled the trigger on our first-round-draft-pick-back-up-linebacker-special-teams-player-nepotistic-Parcells-pick Bobby Carpenter, and finally got rid of him. Oh happy day! A weight room workout warrior does not necessarily translate into an on the field standout player, as Barbie has demonstrated throughout his 4-year career in Dallas. The Cowboys traded Carpenter for Alex Barron, Left Tackle from the St. Louis Rams, who has started 74 games in his 5-year career. He was the 20th pick in the first round of the 2005 draft. Carpenter was the 19th pick in the first round the following year. Carpenter has one start in four years. Barron is oft-penalized and ill-focused, and gives up more sacks than any other LT in the league. He needs a check-up from the neck up before he can be trusted with Tony’s blind side.

This looks like the proverbial Change of Scenery trade. Maybe one or both of these much-maligned players will grow into a solid player worthy of their respective draft position status with their new team. Maybe not.

Look at the Saints, aka Dallas-Southeast. Former Cowboys backups Scott Shanle, Remi Ayodele, and Scott Fujita, as well as Coach Sean Payton, all have Super Bowl rings now, while Wade & Co. are still trying to find that certain something that wins in the Playoffs. Apparently a change of scenery did them all some good. (I have a sudden urge to have a Falstaff with Sheryl Crow.)

Is it coaching? Is it ownership? Is it Tony Romo? Was it Flozell Adams or Bobby Carpenter?

What exactly is it that the Cowboys need to change in order to win the Super Bowl? I know this for sure: Flozell and Barbie will never win one; and I’ll take a backup LT with five years of starting experience over a backup LB with one career start any day. Maybe on some metaphysical, psychic, feng shui level getting rid of those two players puts the Cowboys in better position to win, regardless of their athletic ability. Kinda like getting rid of T.O. Change the mojo, improve your team.

I see Barron backing up Colombo at RT, Brewster backing up Free at LT, and moving McQuistan inside to LG backing up Kosier. As it stands, I like our Offensive Line.

With our new 2nd round pick Penn State LB, Sean Lee, (strangely similar to Shanle) I think we’ve upgraded over Barbie. Penn St > Ohio St. And, nobody is pissed off that we drafted Lee; unlike the Carpenter pick in ’06. Mojo upgrade.

NFL News:

Der Furor Roger Goodell has officially determined that Wade Wilson’s use of HGH to treat his type-I diabetes is a more egregious offense than Ben Roethlisberger getting an underage college coed drunk and having questionable consensual sex in a public bathroom. Big Ben got a 6 game suspension, which can be reduced to 4 games if Ben undergoes “treatment” and “cooperates”… ie. he gives Goodell some phone numbers and promises to never be a bad boy again.

Rookie of the Year Brian Cushing, LB Houston Texans, got suspended for the first four games of the 2010 season for using steroids, but the AP did not take away his post-season award. Again, we see the performance enhancing drug use getting a lighter sentence than physician-prescribed medication. How do I get elected Commissioner?

I’ll continue the rant later.

Go Cowboys!

category: NFL Draft

Cowboys Nation,
Well, I got out of the hospital after suffering my latest brain hemorrhage due to the Cowboys drafting a WR in the first round. I now have a shunt in the base of my brain to prevent this from happening again, but I have pain behind my eyes every time I urinate, and whenever I sneeze I crap my pants. Thanks Jerry.
The really good Offensive Tackles were off the board before we could get them, and the word on the street was that Baltimore wanted Dez Bryant in a bad way, so we moved up three spots and nabbed him with the 24th pick. Top 10 talent, 24th pick. My brain stopped bleeding when I finally processed this information.

Former Cowboys employee, Jeff Ireland, now an executive with the Miami Dolphins, reportedly asked Dez Bryant if his mother was a prostitute during an interview. Ireland defended the act by saying he wanted to see if the young potential draftee could handle the pressure of that line of questioning. Here’s how it really went:

JI: “Is your mother a prostitute?”

DB: “Say what?”

JI: “I mean, is yo mama a five dolla ho, a fifty dolla ho, or a crack ho? See, I work for Bill Parcells, and he’s still good friends with Lawrence Taylor, and LT is always lookin’, if ya know what I mean.”

DB: “Sheeeeeit, man.”

I really like the second round draft pick, Sean Lee, ILB Penn St. As I’ve been reminded over the years, you can never have too many Penn State linebackers. Jerry & Co. had this kid rated as a first round talent, but fell to the mid-second round due to ACL reconstruction surgery. He was the second rated ILB in the draft, behind only Top Ten pick Rolando McClain out of Alabama. Good. We need someone who can tackle. Now we need to get rid of our first round Special (Olympics) Teams player Barbie Carpenter.

Jerry did some manuevering with his draft order, moving up in both the first and second rounds, moving out of the third round, and picking up an extra 6th round pick. Besides Bryant and Lee, the Cowboys picked Akwasi Owusu-Ansah, Safety/CB from Indiana PA, 6’0″, 207# in the 4th round,  the 126th pick overall. I like this kid, had my eye on him before the draft, but didn’t think he’d be available that late in the 4th round. He also gets the award for having the best name in the draft. Why is it that the guy with the African name that no one can pronounce is always the best cornerback around? (See Raiders and Rams) Maybe he’s the “ansah”.

Next we got Sam Young, OT Notre Dame, 6’8″, 316#, 6th round, 179th pick overall. Big slow white guy who started all four years on the O-line for the Irish; a team you will recall that has sucked for the last four years. He’ll be a project… and a backup.  He’s one of those “who knows” players that may surprise us in a few years, kinda like Doug Free. Our second pick in the 6th round was Jamar Wall, CB Texas Tech, 5’10″, 204#. He’s got a great decleating hit on youtube. Check it out. In the 7th round, we got Sean Lissemore, DL Wm & Mary, 6’4″, 298#, with the 234th overall pick. I think the writing is on the wall for either Marcus Spears or Igor Olshansky (or both) to be held out for trade bait.

Undrafted Free Agents to watch: Barry Church, Safety, Toledo. Lorenzo Washington, DL, Alabama. Chris Gronkowski, FB, Arizona. I thought Jerry might actually draft another Fullback, given Deon Anderson’s off the field problems, but this kid from AZ looks like he might make the team.

After it was all said and done, I felt pretty good about what The Best Team In Football had done in the 75th NFL Draft and with the accumulation of an extra 17 UFA’s. I’ll wait and see if these guys can make the team and keep their respective noses clean.

I’ll continue the rant later.

Go Cowboys!

categories: Dallas Cowboys, NFL Draft, Preseason

Cowboys Nation,

After a three month absence from venting my usual frustration with The Best Team In Football, we now enter into the beginning of a new year for our beloved Dallas Cowboys. I guess congratulations to the Saints are duly justified at this time, as well as a proper and suitable ‘fuck you’ to the Minnesota Vikings for beating us in the playoffs after it looked like we were on a roll headed toward the Super Bowl.
The draft is here (next Thursday night) and we have some needs. The Cowboys have been dormant in the free agency department thus far, but that doesn’t mean that changes aplenty haven’t occurred. Left Tackle Flozell Adams and Free Safety Ken Hamlin were both released, mainly because they played like they’d both already retired. This did two things: it freed up millions of dollars in the payroll, and it created two glaring areas of need in the roster. Obviously Jerry has a plan; we just don’t know what it is yet. It looks as though the Cowboys have tremendous faith in Doug Free to step in and be the protector of Tony Romo’s blind side at Left Tackle, a position that has gotten a lot of attention lately thanks to Austinite Sandy Bullock. I’m inclined to believe the Cowboys know more about Robert Brewster’s ability to step into the starting lineup than most NFL expert anal-ysts do. All you hear is smack about Free. No one is mentioning Brewster, who sat out his rookie season with an injury. The guy is supposed to be a beast. Unproven, but a beast nonetheless. I’m not so sure the Cowboys want to spend a first round draft pick on an Offensive Lineman. Mike Iupati, G, Idaho or Maurkice Pouncey, C / G Florida maybe, but it’s difficult to tell which direction Jerry is leaning in the first round. I think we need defense in the first round. I might hemorrhage (brain, not anal this time) if we take a WR.

Regarding Safety, there is one obvious pick in this upcoming draft that is a ‘can’t miss’, Eric Berry, that will be a top 5 pick. We won’t get him. Then it starts to get interesting. Will Earl Thomas (Texas) be available at #27? Is Taylor Mays (USC) worth drafting? Mays’s coverage skills are in question; we know he can hit. I’d love to see Thomas with a star on his helmet, but some special circumstances must occur in the drafting process with the first 26 teams to pick before we can have Thomas fall to us at 27. It’s doubtful JJ will trade up; the Cowboys only have six picks total this year.

Here’s the rundown on where the Cowboys pick and who I think we should / might take.

  • Round 1 (#27 overall) Earl Thomas, S Texas if available. Otherwise Pouncey or Iupati to shore up the O-line. Rolando McLain, ILB Alabama will be long gone.
  • Round 2 (#59 overall) Jared Veldheer, LT Hillsdale. 6’8”, 312 lbs, small school product, lots of upside and groomable. Good pick if the guys we want in round one are all gone.
  • Round 3 (#90 overall), Damian Williams, WR / KR USC. We need to upgrade our return game.
  • Round 4 (#125 overall), Myron Rolle, S Fla. St. if we don’t get Thomas in the first round. Otherwise Brandon Spikes, ILB, Fla. would be a great pick here.
  • Round 6 (#196 overall) either Travis Goethel, ILB AZ St. or John Connor, FB Kentucky (hopefully the Terminator isn’t after him). This depends on Deon Anderson’s legal problems for being a DFN with a gun at a nightclub. There’s a reason why the government lumps together Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms into one regulatory division.
  • Round 7 (#234 overall) Marcus Easley, WR UConn, 6’3” , 210 lbs. with 4.39 speed, this kid is tall and can fly. It’s time to cut bait with Sam Hurd, promote Kevin Ogletree, and bring in some raw talent.

I’m sure you all know that I’ll be happy to give my opinion of what Jerry ends up doing in the draft after next week. J

News around the NFL.
Donna McNadds got traded from the E-girls to the Foreskins, and raised the IQ of both teams. Now they both suck! The Cowboys now get to pound both teams twice a year and won’t have to miss McNadds in the process. Good luck, Mike Shanahan. He’s your problem now.
Ben Roethlisberger likes to nail drunk 19 yr old coeds in bathrooms (and who doesn’t?), but can’t seem to escape the Georgia police after doing so. It appears that Ben can’t get sober women to press anything against him but charges. Roethlisberger is starting to make Tiger Woods look like Man of the Year. Now it’s up to Der Furor, Mein Her Roger Goodell to hand down some arbitrary punishment. (How about Roger and Ben spend a weekend in Athens together?) Remember, Wade Wilson got a 5 game suspension and fined $100,000 for treating his DIABETES with HGH that was prescribed by his doctor! Let’s all wait and see what allegations of sexual assault will get you.

Everyone (read media) is pounding the notion that St. Louis would be crazy to not pick Sam Bradford, QB Oklahoma with the number one overall pick in the draft. I say they’d be crazy to draft him. The obvious choice for the number one overall pick is Ndamukong Suh, DL Nebraska. Then they’d have a perennial Pro Bowl player for the next 10 years solidifying their defense, and they can pick Colt McCoy, QB Texas with the first pick in the second round. He’ll be a better pro than Bradford, at a much lower price coming in as a second round pick. When has a QB from Oklahoma ever been a good pro? Even if he won the Heisman? Jason White, Josh Heupel, Nate Hybl anyone? That’s why Troy Aikman transferred to UCLA. If the Rams take Bradford, it will set back their franchise another five years. If they take Suh, then McCoy, then they’ll become a contender again. Do I care about the Lambs? Hell no! I’m just tired of all the talk about Bradford being the next Peyton Manning. For all I know, the only thing Bradford and Manning have in common is that they both like little boys. Brandon Marshall whined enough to get him run out of town here in Denver, all the way to the First National Bank of Miami. One man’s trash is another man’s treasure. Ask Tiger about that.

I’ll continue the rant later.
Go Cowboys!