… Intentionally Offensive Since 2006
category: Uncategorized

Cowboys Nation,

Yes. I know. We’re not in the Super Bowl this year. But that doesn’t mean that we can’t have some fun with it.

The way I see it, the city of New Orleans can’t lose. They have their first NFC Championship team in the Saints. The city is revitalized after the hurricane. And their favorite son, Peyton Manning (from New Orleans), is in the game. Awesome. Way to go N’Awlins. Now let’s see the Saints beat the shit out of the Colts as we sit back and watch Manning leave the field on a stretcher with a sucking chest wound, leaving a large blood stain on the newly anointed Peyton Manning Memorial Hashmark. Prediction: Colts 37 yard line, Sun Life Stadium, Miami.

It’ll never happen, but I can wish, can’t I? (Kill Joe!)

Drew Brees, a ’96 graduate of Westlake High School, Austin, TX, where he led the Chaparrals to a 16 – 0 undefeated 5A state championship season his senior year, has landed in New Orleans after being cast off by San Diego following his shoulder injury to now lead the Saints to the Promised Land. Saint Drew has come! Lordy, Lordy! Praise Bresus!

People have actually asked me if I knew him. My response: “Uh, no. I graduated from Westlake before he was born.” How’s that for dating yourself? (And, incidentally, when you date yourself, it’s just sad, lonely, masturbation, with schizophrenic conversation, while drinking for two in the dark backroom of a cheap roadside lounge in a booth with torn Naugahyde. Wow. I just described Jim Rivers.)

Pro Bowl: Did anyone see how She-li Manning played in the Pro Bowl last Sunday? Oh, that’s right. She-li wasn’t there… because (s)he sucks. Eight Cowboys made the Pro Bowl team, and there was at least one Cowboys player on the field for every play of the game. No other team had that distinction. That’s because the Cowboys are The Best Team In Football!

Prediction: Saints 38 – Colts 35

This will be a high-scoring game with DE Dwight Freeney playing hobbled with a torn ligament in his ankle. He will play, he’s just not 100% healthy. The Colts still have a good defense, but the Saints can score on anybody when they get it cranked up. This game all depends on pass protection for Brees. Manning gets rid of the ball too fast before any pressure gets to him… mainly because he’s a pussy.

Go Cowboys!