… Intentionally Offensive Since 2006
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Cowboys Nation,

It was a glorious flight back to New York for those wonderfully victorious Giants last Sunday night. Everyone on the plane knew how badly they had beaten the Cowboys, and that the 33 – 31 final score did not truly reflect just how dominant the Giants had been all night. Eli Manning celebrated in his usual fashion after a win by hosting his regular all-boy hot tub party at his New Jersey “safe house”, away from all but the select few media reporters that Eli lets join in on the fun (Jesse Palmer).

At the party, following an outstanding performance, Giants star running back Brandon Jacobs pontificated, “Eli Manning is the greatest quarterback in the history of the game. I mean, the way he forced Romo into those three interceptions was a thing of beauty. Especially how Eli made that ball bounce off of Witten’s foot, right into the hands of Kenny Phillips, wow! What a play by Eli! But my favorite play of the night was when Eli threw that ball directly into Jay Ratliff’s hand so that it would get deflected right to Mario Manningham for the first down on that critical third and eight late in the game. Man, that was precise execution on Eli’s part. I just love this guy,” Brandon finished, as he tussled Eli’s hair fondly.

“Eli, could you comment on that?” the unnamed reporter asked. “Umphh burumphh abbuh famperumphh,” was all Eli Manning could say, forgetting that Jacobs’s cock was still in his mouth.

Merry Christmas, Giants. That game was a gift. We again somehow managed to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. Sunday Dec. 6 is Retribution Day.

How can Jason Garrett call a long pass play downfield late in the game when Tony was clearly off target all night and we’d been ramming the ball down their throat on the ground the entire game? How about chewing up some more clock while you have the lead instead of throwing another interception? How do the Cowboys lose a game with over 250 yards rushing? How does Wade dial up a defensive scheme that cannot produce a single sack or turnover? Not to mention producing a defensive stop in the last 3:40 of the game to lose it. Wade’s big defensive call of the night? Anyone…anyone? Ice the kicker. Brilliant! For the majority of the game, Wade stood there on the sideline like a vacant mouth-breather wondering what was going on, and why we weren’t winning big.

Some random thoughts:

Our secondary coach needs to teach our DB’s to cover somebody…anybody.

Send Bradie James in on more linebacker blitzes. Maybe that’ll produce a sack, or even a hurried throw for an interception.

Justin Tuck has a banana head.

Someone needs to tell Felix Jones to stop tip-toeing up to the wedge on kickoff returns. Just run! Oh, and don’t fumble like a DFN.

I almost feel sorry for the Panthers coming in to Dallas Monday night because we’re gonna kill ‘em. But I don’t.

Prediction: Cowboys 38 – Panthers 17

It takes a tough man to make a tender forecast.

Keep fuckin’ that chicken.

Kill Joe!

Go Cowboys!

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