… Intentionally Offensive Since 2006
category: Uncategorized

Dear Cowboys Faithful,

Game ON!

Although Tony looked very un-Romo-like in the first half, he came out in the second half and lit it up against the Tampa Bay Gay Blades (from the old logo…you know). Romo had a career best 353 yards passing with 3 touchdowns, and most importantly, no interceptions. The three TD’s were 42 yds, 66 yds, and 80 yds. Can you say, “T.O. Who?” As in, who needs him when we can score like that? And everybody (read media) was worried about the lack of WR fire-power on The Best Team In Football; they of little faith, and littler brain. Maybe Winnie the Pooh should be a sports analyst – at least he has faith. I’ll take a 34-21 win any day.

Personally, I’m more worried about our defense than our offense (we gave up 450 yds to the Bucs offense), especially when Wade (very Pooh-like) has DeMarcus Ware back in coverage getting his bell rung, instead of rushing the passer like he should be and then eating the QB for lunch. Mmm-mmm good. Do quarterbacks taste like honey or chicken? I guess we’ll have to ask Eli Manning’s boyfriend to find out for sure.

And speaking of She-li Manning, the eyes of Cowboy Nation will be fixed upon his return to Texas for his annual public ass-whipping (kill Joe!), courtesy of the Dallas Cowboys, next Sunday night as Jerry unveils to the NFL the Star at midfield in the Jones Mahal. It’s on national TV, 7:15 pm Dallas time, no excuses for not watching this one. The over/under on punts hitting the video board is two and a half.

I’m also concerned about Wade’s decision to use Terrence Newman as a punt returner. He’s our best corner. He’s way too valuable to our secondary to have him get his knees busted running back punts. We have plenty of young, fast guys that can fill that need, without exposing our leader in the defensive backfield. Besides, he muffed the only punt he tried to catch. Not good.

NFC East Report: The Giants beat the Redskins. No surprise there. The Foreskins suck, and are looking the basement of the division square in the face again. We have to stop the run when we play the Giants Sunday night.

Donna McNabb got hurt, just as I thought he would, and now Andy “Fatboy” Reid has to use either Kevin “Second round bust” Kolb or newly signed Jeff “I swear I’m not gay ‘cause I married a Playboy bunny” Garcia, because Michael “Bulldog” Vick is still serving his suspension handed down by Roger “Der Furor” Goodell. Looks like the Fatboy ordered the expensive McRibs this season. Then again, he’s used to handling a full plate.

Side notes: Tom Brady’s new wife won’t let him talk to Suzy Kolber. She’s too cute. Just ask Joe Namath.

Brian’s Lions still look dismal…and I’m being kind.

RB’s Jets, with new coach and QB, looked better than expected. Maybe this year J-E-T-S doesn’t mean Just Expect The Same. J

Prediction: Cowboys 31 – NY Midgets 28

It’s going to be a close one, but the Boys pull it out with an Opening Night win on a Nick Folk FG as time expires to avoid OT.

Or not.

Bottom Line: We need to smack the shit out of Eli(zabeth) Manning.


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