… Intentionally Offensive Since 2006
category: Uncategorized

Dear Cowboys Nation,

We play Pittsburgh this Sunday. We have to win this one. All the “experts” on tv have us losing this game to the almighty Steelers defense. We, however, are just hitting our stride this season. Unlike the previous years where we suffer our traditional monumental collapse in December, this year sees us at a point where we have the potential to peak, and thus surprise a few teams. We will win Sunday.

The Steelers are sitting at 9-3 right now, and we, the lowly Cowboys, are a mere 8-4. What a mismatch! No wonder all the experts are picking Pittsburgh! Advantage Dallas.

The Steelers are a lock to win their division. We are fighting for our playoff lives. Advantage Dallas.

The Steelers have a QB that stands like a statue in the pocket, and gets sacked a lot. We have Demarcus Ware. Advantage Dallas.

Tony Romo moves well, avoids pressure, and is one of the least sacked QB’s in the NFL. Advantage Dallas.

They are favored to win at home. We are in a must win situation, they are not. We will win Sunday.

Prediction: Cowboys 31 – Pittsburgh 28

And speaking of the Steelers, former Steeler, and soon to be former New York Giant, Plaxico Burress found himself in a bit of a sticky wicket last weekend, and is this week’s recipient of the DFN Award. You will all recall that he was formally noted to be a head case back in the Week 6 Update. It seems that Plaxico, who, incidentally, was named after a plastics company (as if by some odd chance his mother had seen the movie The Graduate), thought that it might be a good idea to pack a handgun into the waistband of his sweatpants and go out clubbing in New York City last Friday night. Seriously, he was wearing sweatpants to a night club. The fashion police should have arrested him before the NYPD got there. I’m surprised that he didn’t have a Yankees cap on sideways and a ghetto blaster on his shoulder pounding out 50-Cent. So the .40 caliber pistol starts to slide down the inside of his sweatpants down his leg, and he reaches to get the gun, and shoots himself in his thigh. Way to keep the safety on, Plaxico. When asked for comment after the incident, Plaxico said, “Oops, I forgot to not shoot myself.” I can’t wait to see what der furor Goodell has to say about this one.

Adam “Don’t Call Me Pacman” Jones has been reinstated by the Nazi and will play on Sunday. Jones has been given the One-and-Done death penalty decree and will face permanent expulsion from the league if he screws up again. Pacman went through alcohol rehab after his last incident, and is now ready to play. Said Jones, “Hey, at least I didn’t shoot myself.”

BCS News: Okla-homo football coach, Bob Stoops, set a new NCAA record by giving 42 blowjobs Saturday night to the voting sports writers from the east coast so that they would vote OU over Texas in the BCS rankings. Apparently OU getting crushed in the second half and losing to Texas by 10 points was less important than Texas losing to Tech on the last desperate play of the game by 6 points in the minds of those that have nothing to do with the Big 12 Conference. Go Missouri.

Kill Joe.

Go Cowboys.

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