… Intentionally Offensive Since 2006
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Cowboys Faithful,

It looks as though new jersey knows all there is to know about the crying game. We spanked the midgets in their ultra-gay red uniforms on their home turf 31-20. She-li Manning was sent home whining like the girly-man that he is. Their high and mighty defense only surrendered 4 TD passes. Looks like they got lucky.

The DFN Award goes to Kevin Burnett for taunting the midgets into better field position so they could score before halftime, tying the score at 17-17, instead of kneeling it like they were going to do because they’re scared little whiny-girls.

The Academy Award for taking the best fall in front of an official goes to RB Brandon Jacobs, who was touched by LB Brady James after a play, and fell over backwards as if he’d been run over, drawing a personal foul penalty for an extra 15 yards to make it first and goal at the 10. Jacobs, who is 6’4”, 250 lbs., later commented that he’d like to thank all the little people who helped to make this award possible, and that he’ll next be starring in the hit Broadway musical The Gay Giant, where he and his offensive line will sing such favorites as The Giant Way To Suck, and It’s Easy To Be a Homo When You’ve Been Beaten By Tony Romo.

Next up for The Best Team In Football is our only true rival, the Foreskins. If you ask the Egirls or the Gnats who is their biggest rival, they’ll both tell you it’s the Cowboys. Fine. Ours is the Deadskins. The Egirls and the Gnats aren’t even good enough to hate. Look for Witten to have a big game on Sunday, because Washington will do whatever they can to try to limit the production of T.O. MB3 should have a good day too. Our defense against the run is improving, and Portis will be frustrated all day. They always play us tough, so you can pretty much throw the records out the window when previewing this game. I still think we’ll win, though. Let’s all hope that Cleveland can crumble down the stretch, and that Buffalo can find some way to smack the shit out of Tom Brady.

Prediction: Dallas 42 – Washington 16

Go Cowboys!

p.s. Kill Joe

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