… Intentionally Offensive Since 2006
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Cowboys Nation,

With the pesky Packers and the new jersey gnats continuing to nip at our heels, The Best Team In Football now needs to assert its dominance over the NFC East in the next three games. The bye week has allowed Anthony Henry another week to convalesce his high ankle sprain, and Tony Romo to recover from his hamstring-straining “flagrant foul” not called on the field but by the league office in their infinite wisdom (read Cowboy-haters).

We are still waiting for that elusive complete team game, where we play the way we’re supposed to play in all phases of the game for a full 60 football minutes. Oh well. We’re still 6-1 right now. Greg Ellis is back to his starting position at left “OLB”. That has puts rookie Anthony Spencer in a reserve role now, and our favorite number one draft pick/special teams player, Booby Carpenter, even further down the depth chart.

I put the Outside Linebacker in quotes because I’ve noticed something about our defense that no one on tv really comments on: we don’t really run a 3-4 defense; we run a 5-2 defense. We have a Nose Tackle, 2 Defensive Ends, and then 2 more Defensive Ends flanking them. On most plays, we rush 5 guys. Of course, on many plays we rush 3 or 4 guys, and on blitzes we rush more than 5 guys. But our base defense is really the 5-2, not the 3-4. This is Wade Phillips’ signature on defense. We just need better pass coverage in the middle of the field. Maybe we should run a 5-6, with no Linebackers, and 6 DB’s. We need Roy Williams patrolling the middle so opposing receivers are scared shitless to go there to catch a pass. The proverbial “hospital-play” as it were.

Speaking of which, can somebody (Dwight Freeney) please smack the shit out of Tom Brady! Actually, I’d like to see Indy and the Patsies play to a 0-0, bloody, five quarter tie with the Peyton Manning and Tom Brady Memorial Hash Marks established, ala Joe Theismann. (Kill Joe!)

I guess we just need to concentrate on beating the Egirls on Sunday night.

Prediction: Dallas 31 – Philly 17

Go Cowboys!

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We suck.

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Whew. That was close. As the collective sphincter of Cowboys nation tightened over the 59 minutes and 58 seconds of football time that we did not have the lead in Monday Night’s game against the Bills, I always felt that we would win it. With each interception, dropped pass, fumble, or other miscue, I just kept feeling like all we had to do was turn it on and win this damn thing. Our rookie kicker, Nick Folk, is money… and he saved Tony Romo’s ass. As did the defense all night long. We gave up 3 offensive points. Romo threw 4 TD passes, but 2 of them were to the other team.

For the second week in a row we give up a kick return for a TD. Does Keith Davis mean that much to our Special Teams coverage unit? He’s our captain of the Special Teams and has been out with a shoulder injury the last two weeks.

Anthony Henry is questionable for Sunday’s game against the Patsies. One thing is certain: if we play the way we did Monday night, then New England will kill us.

Can somebody (Demarcus Ware) please smack the shit out of Tom Brady!

In other news, Our Longhorns have now dropped two in a row, both to Big 12 opponents. Our 11 yr old QB looks a little beaten up. Hey Colt, stay in school, grow 3 inches and gain 50 pounds. And speaking of staying in school, Matt Leinert probably wishes he was starting for the 49ers instead of being on the Cardinals IR. I guess staying in school that extra year to lose to Vince Young was important. Or was the college pussy that good? Probably was at USC.

Beat the hell out of the Patsies!

Prediction: Dallas 27 – New England 24 in OT

Go Cowboys!

Kill Joe.

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I stand corrected. Tony Romo is of Hispanic heritage. I thought he was Italian.

I’m an idiot.

I’ll shut up now.

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Dear Cowboys Faithful,

I almost got my shutout on Sunday, but since we prepared so well for Devon Hester’s return skills against the Bears, I guess our punt team felt they could take the week off against Dante Hall. The lone bright spot for the Lambs, in what otherwise was a dismal day during Doomsday’s dismantling Defensive destruction deftly doled. Dude. We will be without Anthony Henry for a few weeks due to a high ankle sprain, just as we get back Terrence Newman. It’s a good thing that Jacques Reeves has stepped up and gotten better each week at left corner, or we’d be hurtin’ right now. Newman will start on the right side Monday night against the Bills. I am happy to report that Greg Ellis has returned to action, but I will reserve the right to say that he’ll never be the same after his Achilles injury and that he can’t run, stop, cut, or pivot the way he used to ever again. Fine. All we need for him to do is rush the passer, which he did quite well on Sunday, getting his first sack of the season. One game, one sack. One shot, one kill. Two men enter, one man leave. There can only be one Highlander. Arrrrrggghhh.

So, the Buffmyho Bills finally won last week. Goody. Now they won’t be looking for that first victory against us. This might be the week we get a shutout. The Bills have little to speak of in terms of Offensive firepower. We again get to showcase our team on national television and show the world that Tony Romo is for real. And I wish the writer for the Dallas Morning News knew that Romo is Italian, not Hispanic.

Julius Jones needs to have a big first quarter. If not, he’ll continue to get snubbed in favor of MB3. Most of Barber’s yardage comes in the 4th quarter after we’ve pounded down the other team’s Defense. JJ doesn’t get the rock in the 4th quarter, MB3 does. Patrick Crayton had a monster game against the Lambs. That’s what happens when they double team Owens. I think the New England Patsies and the FudgePackers are probably the two best teams remaining on our schedule. Let’s all keep hoping that the E-girls, the new jersey gnats, and the Foreskins continue to suck like they have so far this season.

If the AFC is so great, then why the hell do the Cleveland Browns keep winning? Each win for the Browns means less of a chance of the Cowboys drafting Darren McFadden. Will somebody please beat the Browns! And will somebody PLEASE smack the shit out of Tom Brady! What a punkass.

Prediction: Dallas 35 – Buffalo 0

Go Cowboys!

Kill Joe!